Boldness Code Class 3 - The Boldness Code

Boldness Code Class 3 [0:00:00] Adam:

Welcome to training number 3 of The Boldness Code. Now, those of you who know me, knows that online dating is one of my favorite subjects. It's where I started when I was dating. And as a writer, as someone who's been a writer all my life, a professional writer, it was the most natural thing in the world. And by the way, the most fun thing in the world. It's just fun for me to figure out how to use language to really stand out with women and really attract women. And, again, if you know me and most of you know something about me, when I started dating at 39 I had no idea how to date. I didn't how to walk up to a woman. I didn't know what to say. But I can write and that was my doorway into dating. And still, 11 years later, it's just the most fun thing in the world. I've had lots of yearlong relationships in between, but it's always fun to go back to the well and bring new information and new techniques and new experiments. I'm always experimenting online. Now, just before we started this call, I was talking to some of the guys who were in this program, and I was mentioning that it's important to go in and change up your profile from time to time, and even change your front picture every few weeks. Why not? It's like any kind of advertising, right? Unless the advertising is working, right, you change up your advertising if you're a company, over time. Same thing with an online profile, they don't want to see the same face. I just logged on to a dating site I haven't looked at for a while and just reopened the account to look at it, and there's women there, same picture from 6, 8 years ago, I recognize them. You do not want to see that and they don't want to see your same old mug every day. So you want to try out a fun picture, an athletic picture, a smiling picture. In my book, Deep Online Attraction, if you don't have it, you must read it. I talk about having four kinds of pictures. Not ten pictures, four. The audience sophisticated James Bond one where you're wearing a suit, where you're looking respectable; you're at a wedding or something. You're athletic one where they can see your body, that you're outside, and a social one where you're with people, that shows that you're not just a lone guy standing in the bathroom taking a picture in the mirror. 1

Most guys don't do that but women do that, especially in L.A. I don't know if they do it out around the country. And then, the fourth picture should be fun or funny. So, one that I have up is me petting a tape here, which is an Amazonian elephant-‐related pig-‐ like creature and it's really cute but funny-‐looking. And I say at the end of the picture, "Anyone who can guess who this is gets extra points." And women write to me all the time just because it's fun, right? So it opens up the conversation, which is what you want to do. So, changes of pictures from time to time. Take professional pictures. Also, go to lookbetteronline.com. They'll send a photographer. I think it's 80 bucks. You know, get good pictures. It makes a difference. It really makes a difference. And we were also talking about which sites to use. Obviously, there's so many sites, not just the Big Daddy. OkCupid is free and it's also owned by Match. And they do really cool stuff and women love it because there's lots of little questions to answer and little surveys, and there's all kinds of little do-‐that's that women love to do. I hate them because I like it this way, the really strong bold profile, like we're about to talk about. But they like that site, and it's very popular, a lot of people are on it. So I recommend no matter what site you're on, whether it's Christian Mingle or JDate or Athletic Singles or on -‐-‐ what are the other popular niche ones? Shaadi.com, if you're south Indian. And also be on OkCupid, okay, because it's free. Plentyoffish, I don't like it so much. I think it's the lower class of people, honestly. But it could be different in different cities, as always, so I'm not sure. I just know that in most of the big cities that I've seen, OkCupid has lots of women, a good one. So always have that, it's free. Why not? Have two or three sites. By the way, on OkCupid, you want to be bold, go on OkCupid and create two or three different profiles with different aspects of your personality. Why not, right? You can use different pictures and you can try out a different voice. One of the crimes of society -‐-‐ I'm about just to say "our society" because it's -‐-‐ I think it's true for most societies, is that society wants you to have one voice. They want you to be this one person. But all of us have multiple voices inside, which is why it's so much fun taking acting class or improv class because everyone -‐-‐ I mean, look around, every women -‐-‐ everyone you pass is sexual, by the way, pretty much between the ages of 14 and -‐-‐ I don't know, whenever it ends. 2

[0:05:00]

But they don't express that in public, like they have that side to them. So everyone's got a sexual side. Everyone's got a silly, fun, kid, playful side. It's fun to open that up, right? Everyone has a leadership side. Everyone has the little child in them. We all have it. We just don't get to express it.

So, if you want to try out like a really super bold voice, try that on OkCupid. It doesn't cost you anything, just do a separate profile. Or if you want to try the romantic poet voice, who is the romantic novel guy and talking flowery language to attract that kind of women. Try it. What the heck? Or if you want to be yoga guy attracting yoga women, do that. Target your market and write a profile that's appropriate for that market. All right, so that's all of this little preview. My message there is to be aggressive and have fun with this, you know. Don't think you just put up a profile and you never change it. Experiment with it. Play with your voices. It's fun. Okay, so tonight, what I want to talk about is specifically boldness online, right? That's where the boldness goes. So we're going to talk about boldness online. There's a lot I could talk about online dating. And, again, I highly recommend you read my book, Deep Online Attraction. It's really good and it's very comprehensive, and it works. And that's about how to stand out online. But we're going to cover a lot tonight, so let's not worry about that. So, I sent you a cheat sheet and we're going to go through it. I'm going to explain why I included all these things. So the first thing you need to know about women online is they're bored with their lives. Most women are but most people are bored with their lives. Most women are especially bored with their life. They have to go to work. You know, women just started going to work about 50 years ago. They go to work, they often have kids, they have to take care of themselves. It's not fun for an adult woman to have to do all these things by themselves, and they really do it for a man. And plus, if they have kids, they're especially stressed out and they're really looking. They're hungry to meet somebody. They're hungry to meet somebody who they could trust and they could lean into, and make their lives more exciting. So, we're going to talk about bold trust and we're going to talk about bold excitement.

3

Now when you're passionate -‐-‐ point number 2, when you're passionate in your profile, it allows women to experience themselves as passionate, right? It allows them to feel that they are sexual forces of nature. If you can convey yourself as a force of nature -‐-‐ I don't mean like you're going to be talking about sex. But the more masculine you are and the more leaderly you are, and the more you offer a vision of the life you want to create, the more they can open up. So the more passionate you are, the more it allows them to let that voice inside them express itself. Remember, we all have voices inside us that we don't allow ourselves to express. And especially women who were brought up to be prim and proper and they're dying to let loose. Especially those Catholic, those girls that went to Catholic school; it seems to be a universal truth. Okay, point number 3. I want you to send her into her sensual self. And so we're going to talk about bold sensuality, which is not being gross and not being sexual but being sensual. Literally, about the senses, okay? As well as leading her away from her daily life, the office, colleagues, bills. You do not want to be talking about work in your profile. You want to be talking about purpose and how you serve -‐-‐ and we'll be talking about that. But you don't want to talk about anything that's boring and day-‐to-‐day life, and what you do, and where -‐-‐ you know, which office parts you work in, and anything that sounds like just day-‐to-‐ day office life that might remind her of her life, right? That's not how to get her attention online. Remember also, next point, she is being hit up constantly by guys with nothing to say but, "Hey, what's up?" and "You're pretty" or "You look great on that picture" or "We should talk" or "Check out my profile," right? That's what most guys say. Whenever I'm dating a girl I say, "All right let me see your…" When I meet her online, I still see what the other guys are writing, and I've done that. I've gone out with them and it's horrifying. The feel that they get all day long, they get, "What's up? Hey, look at my…" same old thing. And then they'll sometimes get a guy and they'll check it out and his profile will be what I call a garage sale profile. And a garage sale profile means that people just lay out their goods on their profile. "I've been to so many countries." "I'm a lawyer." "I have this car." "I like to go here," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

4

[0:10:07]

And it's just facts and still unexciting. There's nothing bold. There's nothing exciting. It doesn't warm women up. You want them to have a physical reaction to your profile, right? You want them to feel your profile in their bodies. That's what we're going to do. What else? They're also getting hit up all day by needy guys who are selling themselves. Those of you who might be in marketing or sales, you'll appreciate -‐-‐ we're going to talk about this today -‐-‐ the difference between selling and branding. One is the brand that women want and one is hawking yourself which is very unmasculine and very unbold. And I'll show you the difference. Then the other way, to sum up all these, women tends to think they have the moral high ground online, like you have to prove yourself to them. And they look down at men and have to prove themselves, so that's why you don't want to seem like you're selling, instead you're branding. So I'm going to show you how to turn that moral high ground around, how you will stake the moral high ground. I tell you, it's night and day, women comment on all the time, with like profiles that guys will use, and I'm going to show you. And also, women wish they could visit. Go to their place more often.

I don't know where you live everybody. But I'll tell you, in L.A., it seems like no one has any money. I don't know what it is, maybe because they all came here to be actresses or they're working and helping professionals, which is very noble like teachers, or speech therapists, or nurses. And they just don't make money, right? And they don't get to travel. So, you'll see a lot of -‐-‐ the more you can offer a vision of travel, of fantasy, of tropical beaches -‐-‐ I don't know where you live. The lake near you, I don't care, but the idea of anything mysterious and nature, that's full of secrets and unbridle passion. It doesn't have to be -‐-‐ you know, I'm not saying you have to be a millionaire and you have to take girls to Italy, but you do in your profile once you offer a bold vision of something passionate and romantic. Listen, I've taken girls out to Joshua Tree, which is about two hours from here, and we stayed -‐-‐ and we couldn't get a place and we stayed at the Motel 6 and -‐-‐ but, we stopped, we bought candles, we did all kinds of -‐-‐ we made the place look good. You know, we made it romantic. I bought 5

champagne and candles and we're good, all right. Now you're in the Motel 6 and it feels like a beautiful, romantic vacation. So, this isn't about money, but it is about offering them a romantic, passionate avatar, that's why they meet you. So, in order to meet all these things about women -‐-‐ this is their reality online, you've got to lead and you've got to make yourself and your needs a priority, all right? So, they have needs and you have needs. And because we're talking about boldness, I want to make sure that you understand -‐-‐ if you remember our primary definition of boldness, it's making your real self in the world, right? Making your will, unapologetically felt in the world. A lot of guys on this program, myself included, have been super nice guys who had a strategy that if you're really nice, and you're trying to please women in your life, then everything is going to go well. I went into marriage that way at 23. It did not work out very well for me, as we all know but I've learned. And next week, in two sessions we're going to have a Dr. Robert Glover who wrote a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy. It is a great book. I keep recommending everybody reads it. It's really good. This psychologist, he runs Nice Guy recovery groups, and so he really knows his stuff. So, I wanted to start tonight with this quote, in case you happen to be nice guys so that you could understand what it is you're doing. Because, you know, when I read this for the first time a few years ago, I could see myself in this. So, let's talk about staking who you are first because we're going to lead off, in our profile with what you stand for, what you want, what are your needs, what your vision of life is, not how are you going to please her? All right, so there's a quote I sent to you and it goes like this -‐-‐ and this is for guys who are listening to the audio maybe in their car. "For nice guys trying to become needless and wantless with the primary way of trying to cope with their childhood abandonment experiences, since it was when they had the most needs they felt the most abandoned, they believed it was their needs that drove people away. This is how we become nice guys." And he says, "As a result of these childhood survival mechanisms, nice guys often believe it's a virtue to have few needs or wants." It's also now attractive to women, by the way. "Beneath just the thought of needlessness and wantlessness, all nice guys are actually extremely 6

[0:15:16]

needy. Consequently when they go about trying to get their needs met, nice guys are frequently indirect, unclear, manipulative, and controlling." That's it. The guys who stay nice guys, who are trying so hard to sell themselves to women online are indirect; we are going to be super direct, you'll this tonight. They're unclear; we're going to be super clear about what we stand for. Well ethically, right, in our own life, our vision of our own lives, what we're looking for in a woman, so we're going to be super clear, we're not going to be manipulative. We're going to be very straightforward and we're not going to be controlling because we want to celebrate women for who they are. So, stating what you want is not the same thing as trying to control a woman. We'll be exploring this throughout this whole series. Now, he goes on to say -‐-‐ and I just want to go through this for a second. He says, "Nice guys are often surprised to hear that it's healthy to have needs. They'll say, 'But people get angry at me' or 'People will think I'm selfish' or 'I'll be alone' or 'What if everyone lived this way and put their needs first?'" Well guess what? Everyone does put their needs first. They just do it in manipulative and underhanded ways, passive-‐aggressive ways. And then they expect the world to give them what they want if they don't ask and then they don't get what they want and then they get mad. Now, you may see this pattern in yourself or previous partners, it's -‐-‐ again, we're going to go into this in depth, this pattern next week. But I wanted to get it out there because I want you to understand. The stronger your profile is, where you state your needs and your desires and your vision with real clarity, the more women are going to go "Wow! Who's this guy? This is the man." Okay.

So that's what we're going to focus today on this training on clarity, stating your needs and wants, inviting women into your life rather than begging to get into hers, and loving it with humor. It's very important to loving all this with humor so you don't come off as some kind of like robotic or overwhelming guy. You know, James Bond is always funny. So I'll give you an example on OkCupid -‐-‐ one of the websites, they say, list the coolest places you've been. So I listed Machu Picchu, Jerusalem, Nepal, Trader Joe's, Big Sur. You know, I dropped Trader Joe's in there. And of course, that's the thing women are going to write to me about. 7

So look, I could make my list. "I've been around the world a lot." I could make my list and try to sound super impressive. That's good, they like to see those stuff, but they'll like me more if I put Trader Joe's in there because it's taking the pressure out of myself a little bit and not taking myself so seriously. So, again, being bold doesn't mean you're taking yourself seriously. It just means you're standing for what you want to create in this world, right? And it's good to be funny with it. Okay, let's do it. So, that's the introduction. That's what we're shooting for, clarity, speaking your needs, inviting women into your life, not begging to get into hers, and loving it with humor. And by the way, the thing about inviting women into your life, in my book, Deep Online Attraction, I give you examples of what it means to invite. And I'll give you this as a quickie just because I love this stuff. If you've ever watched an infomercial, every eight minutes there's a thing that's called the call to action. When they say, "Buy now! If you call the next two minutes you get this and you'll get this. Call now. Call now. Call now…" Guess what? The reason they do that is because it works. When you tell people to call now, they'll call now. If you don't tell them to call now, they won't call now. Your profile should end with, "If you sound like the woman that I'm looking for…" or "If you sound like you think we vibe together, let's sit down and have a glass of wine." There's a call to action. "Come on over I'll put up a kettle of tea," I once wrote. Or, "Let's sit down at the beach with a bottle and hash it out," like that kind of thing. But there's always an invitation at the end. You don't just end your profile. You have a call to action. Tell her to write you. What a crazy idea right? Guess what? We are conditionable beings and this is how you condition people into acting the way you want them to. You actually literally invite them to write you and they do. Now, a little side note, we talk a lot last week last with Jason Capital about teasing, and pushing, and pulling. So, one of the things I do sometimes, at times, not on all my profiles but particularly with younger women, I say "Look, I'm very busy but I really want to hear from you. If I don't respond to you right away, please bother me twice. I'll get to you." And sure enough, woman go, "I am bothering you again." And of course I check every day but I say that because it creates scarcity and it's a command telling them what to do, "Feel free to bother me 8

[0:20:11]

twice," all right. So you want to put out an invitation. You want to tell them what to do. Remember, the strongest frame wins. I think we talked about this with Jason last week. The strongest frame wins. All right, let's get into it, the six categories of boldness. One is your online name, okay. I want you to think of your online dating profile as poetry. Once we do this thing, poetry and prose, kind of -‐-‐ poetry, every single word counts, right? No word is wasted. Also the sounds of words in poetry matter as much as the meanings of words. That's what poetry is actually. Sound actually has meaning. So, "All in green went my love riding." It's so beautiful. It sounds like a horse riding. That's E.E. Cummings. I could go through a million poems but poetry has a sensual feel to it, an auditory feel, and women are very sensitive to that. I want you to think of every word in your headline and in your profile as poetry. Everything counts. No wasted words, no clichés. So let's start right in the beginning. You want a name, don't waste that headline. Everyone in media, everyone in newspapers knows, headline is like three quarters of the game. So you want to have a name that's unforgettable, that's electrifying. Maybe she wants to see what happens next. There's got to be something in that name where she's really paying attention and she wants to know who you are. So you want a name that suggests more than the words tell. I'll show you what I mean. That doesn't allow her to pigeonhole you, right? And end your story before it begins. So, say you love surfing. If you're like a surfer guy, all right, maybe you'll get a surfer girl. If you're a lawyer guy, or if you're a scuba guy, it's a very narrow definition of who you are. Now you probably think being a scuba diver is cool, and I'm sure it's cool, but that's not what we're here for. We're here for romantic intrigue. So, you don't want to shut yourself down if you're a carpenter, if you're a stock trader, it doesn't matter. Don't put your job down, okay. You don't want to be pigeonholed right away.

Also, like when I see girls, I have to say personally, like I'm in L.A., so when I see like "USC Trojan fan." I'm like, "Really, that's who you are? That was a Trojan fan?" I will make the obvious joke there but you don't want it like pigeonhole and narrow who you are as a man into some narrow definition. You want something that ignites her imagination. And 9

that projects confidence without selling or boasting, and if possible, identifies you as the selector. Now those are all -‐-‐ you don't do all of those things, but one of those things. So, let's talk about some bad names. Ad names are flaunting sex without sensuality. And these are all real by the way, I've collected them online. FunLover, SexyInTheValley, PassionateKiss32. PassionateKiss32 is begging for attention, I hope you could see that. That is neediness. He's trying to sell, "Look at me, I'm a passionate kisser." It's gross. Women understand this guy is needy and he's trying to manipulate, okay? JohnnySexy, MegaMuchoMan, HotLovers, SmoothLikeButter, right? These are guys who are just, you know -‐-‐ look, if you're looking for a hook up and you're just looking for a girl to hook up with and you want someone who's just a horndog, that might work. So, create a profile for that. Guys who project weakness, NiceGuy. That's actually a real one, NiceGuy, NiceGuyAloneInNYC. I don't know what goes on in his mind and think a woman would be attracted to that. FriendlyFella, all right, he's selling himself too hard. FriendlyGuy, TrueOneHere, LovesMyMom, okay. So what these guys are trying to do are talk the language of women in their headlines, to actually psych a woman. They're like speaking in the language of women, that's not the goal. The goal is to ignite the imagination of women. And here are some -‐-‐ as I've said, men who think of themselves as limited. UltimateBrewinFan, ScubaGuy, PhotoGuy, RiderGuy, StoneGuy, WallGuy, WeakSidingMan, OddDentist -‐-‐ yes, that's attractive. Swimmer, and there's even one who calls himself ShooterGuy, which is a little scary; RunnerInOC. So why would a man think that a woman is going to look at that and think Fabio. You know, think of the cover of a romantic cover. RunnerInOC, it's crazy that you run. I'm glad that you're a fit. It's not your identity. Don't diminish yourself to something so tiny, okay? So, what you don't want to do is use a single attribute of your name. Unless your attribute, as I wrote here, philanthropist, billionaire, genius, playboy, I don't know the order of that but that was a great line in The Avengers that Tony Stark had. What are you without that suit? Oh yeah, philanthropist, billionaire, genius, playboy. Unless you're that, don't put your job, okay? You don't want to dead end her imagination. You don't want to give her a fragment. 10

[0:25:06]

So, what's a good name? These are names that magnetize women. So look at your name online, does it actually magnetize her? It could be strength. LeadingMan4U, great name! Wow! Fantastic! BattleOfWits, great name. It just calls up all those Cary Grant movies, where the leading man and leading woman are just like bantering, bantering, bantering. So he'll get -‐-‐ the guy who have battle of wits, will get a woman who likes that kind of quick banter. His kind of girl, that's perfect. SomethingMysterious, right? You don't quite know what it means. LeadAndFollow, that's a great one. I love that one because you're assuming he's leading but it's not really clear, LeadAndFollow. Then here's another one, LoveAsAnArtForm or LoveIsAnArtForm, that's great because it's suggestive, it's sensual, it's sex -‐-‐ I'm sorry, FunIsAnArtForm. Also, LifeFunInteresting, not clearly defined. We don't quite know what it means but we get a sense of adventure. Now, we talked about sexuality without sex. You can actually have them sexy like AnimalLover. I happen to love that one because it has two meanings. I always make fun of girls that say that in their profiles. They say "I'm an animal lover." And I say "Well, what does that mean exactly?" because it has two meanings. SweetAndGrow, that's an interesting one, a little sexual, or BeSelective. Now there's a guy who had one that said "NoRepublicans," all right. It's good and direct. Basically, what he's saying is, "This is where I stand. He stands in his belief. And chances are, if he doesn't want a Republican woman, then a Republican woman -‐-‐ they're not going to get along anyway unless they're -‐-‐ who are those two people in Washington? Almost a snake-‐face and Marilyn… What are their names? Maylin? James Cartel and whatever her name is. I don't know how they get along. But, it's a strong principle of marketing by the way, that if you can create common enemy that you'll have an instant bond. So you want to select yourself. So, it's all a negative. I don't really recommend writing NoLiberals and NoRepublicans. I think it's kind of crap but if it's something you feel strongly about that want to select -‐-‐ preselect women, try it. Okay.

I'm not a big fan of that one. I'm just saying that's out there. Ignite her imagination. Open up her imagination. Remember we're talking about sit with a woman, sitting in her office, or working at the hospital, or working 11

at school, and then she comes to your headlines, it says "Open horizons" or "Imagine this" or "Big horizon" for sexual language or "New possibilities" or "Come fly with me," that guy is a pilot, a good name -‐-‐ or MetaphysicalMan, okay? At least it's interesting, right? It opens up her world. And Electric Contrast is a good one. Dr. Egg, one of my favorite ones, that guy has to be an Asian M.D. And then Warrior Poet, actually it's not a -‐-‐ that's not actually a dating name, that's one of my favorite sites. But it's a great, what I call an electric contrast. Something, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. So that it's different and it opens up their imagination. And then you could have a fun title like "Wait a Minute Sally." These are some ideas which are a little bit different to get attention. Then, point number 2, lead by branding not selling. So, if you know the difference between selling and branding, you're going to appreciate this. Selling is you do everything you can to try to get someone to come in and buy your stuff. When you're selling, you're always kind of manipulating. You're throwing yourself out there. You're like a carnival barker. You're offering special discounts, you're saying "Special sale on July 4th." You put up big monkeys in front of your car dealership. You do all that stuff because you know why? Because you haven't really established your brand. You're just doing everything you can to sell yourself. That's how most guys treat online profile. The opposite of selling is branding. Apple computer, walk in to an Apple store. Thousands of people, day and night, why? Because their brand is so powerful. They're not -‐-‐ they don't even have to sell. They never talk -‐-‐ well, not never -‐-‐ they rarely talk about their features, they just show pictures because people trust the brand. And they're going to trust your brand by how you write your profile. So, what's the difference? Let me give you some example. Don't sell yourself. Women hate it when you do the song and dance, right, when you're selling yourself. The kind of guy who goes "Hi, I'm a really great guy" in their profile. "I'm a diamond in the rough." "One of a kind." "I can do a hundred push-‐ups." "I dress really well." "I drive a BMW." "I'm kind and sensitive and manly." Well, that's not actually a profile. Those are taken from different profiles. But you see how that's all the same, whether you drive a BMW or you think you're sensitive or nice. Don't tell them you're nice, all right? They have to assume that you're nice, that you are a nice person in general. So 12

all this is guys, just advertising themselves, dancing around. Think of those wavy two guys in front of car dealerships, that's what they look like to men. Now versus "I'm no cubicle guy and you're no cubicle girl." That's actually from one of my profiles, an opening line. I got so much mail from that. Girls write to me, "That's right, I'm not. I would never do that." That's that kind of selection that I was talking about before, remember? When I said No Republicans, well here it is, "I'm no cubicle guy and you're no cubicle girl." Now personally, I need a girl who travel, who's very adventurous, that's my lifestyle. So what I didn't say was, "If you want someone who lives out of the box, I just might be Mr. Right." And use that kind of suck up language that women can feel. If you say, "I'm your Mr. Right." They know you're just selling yourself, right? "I'm no cubicle guy, you're no cubicle girl." Lay it down, be the brand. Here's another one, ready? And these are from real profiles. "A few things about me: I'm a confident, optimistic, motivated, perceptive, realistic and not so easily rattled individual. Rarely out of lost for words, but I always listen first. My most valuable asset is my sense of humor." I love -‐-‐ I don't know who this guy is. I just pulled it out from a profile. It's so good for so many reasons, okay. Sure, yes, he's good. He's saying he's confident and motivated, those are good. Also, optimistic and perceptive, but what makes it wonderful -‐-‐ the first thing that really stands out, he says he's not so easily rattled. That is a really strong masculine solidity, okay? And then he adds something perfect. He says "I'm rarely out of lost for words" which could begin to sound like bragging but he says, "But I always listen first" which of course is the ultimate catnip for women. They want a man who listens. So he knows what he's doing. He's standing for himself but he's saying "But I'm not going to run over you." You know being bold, again, doesn't mean you're an asshole. It doesn't mean you're going to steamroll. It means that you stand for who you are, "Rarely lost for words, but I always listen first." Still, you're gracious, you listen, and you're a great guy. Then he says, "My most valuable asset is my sense of humor." Notice how he says that. This is a man who owns his value. He doesn't say, "I have a great sense of humor" or worse, "People say I have a great sense of humor." Women say that all the time, they're allowed to. If you were the man that cannot validate yourself to other 13

[0:30:02]

people, the way he says this, steal it, take it, "My most valuable asset is my sense of humor." I might say "One of my most valuable assets…" But the idea that he's standing for his value and he's standing for his assets, I love that language.

Here's another person. "People with checklists. Searching for middle class comfort and striving out the American dream need not apply. If you want to go spiritually and creatively, then you're the kind of person I want to be around." Okay, good. Again, he's selecting. He's saying, "I'm not about money. I'm not about middle class comforts. I'm about…" whatever, spiritual and creative lifestyle. Fantastic! He knows who he is. He knows what he wants. So notice how he cuts out the kinds of people he don't want -‐-‐ he doesn't want. And I have to warn you, it's good to be selective. You don't want to be too negative but you want to be clear about what you don't want in your life. So if there is value that you don't want in your life, don't be afraid of saying it, okay? This is how you being to select out. This is good marketing. You're selecting out the customers you don't want to have. Next, we're talking about brand invitations. The best way to invite people into your life -‐-‐ remember I said you want to end with a call to action? Here is a few and it's done in a brand way, it's a courtship brand. Here are some examples. And these are at the end of your profile, "If you are ready to live a life that's simply more than you ever expected." All right, that's not so specific. "If you want to live a life of passion on a consistently high level…" If that's how you live, it's a great one, "Then write me." "If you are really committed to creating outstanding relationships…" Yes, maybe it's important to say good relationship, but as a man you need to stand for something beyond just a good relationship. It's good show that you think about relationships, that you listen, that you've studied communication skills, that you've done a program like this, don't mention it by name. That self-‐development is important to you and developing your communication, your life skill is important to you. That's great, women want to hear that. They want to hear that you're a train in motion, that's good. Here's another one. "If you decide to spend your evenings in front of the TV and sit around with friends or at shows, or dance at your class, you're 14

probably not right for me." Notice boldly selecting out women. Only a bold man will select woman out. An unbold man will take whatever he can get and women can feel it. So select out, meaning, in a creative selection and put out the woman you don't want in your life. "But if you come alive at night and come then we'll have a great time no matter what." Fantastic! So he knows exactly what he's looking for. Women respect that. Here's another one. "If you love the outdoors, camping, climbing a peak to test the sunrise and breathe in the sweet morning air, then we might just get along." All right, I actually might have written that for somebody, because I recognize "the sweet morning air touch." That's the kind of thing I like to do. It adds that little elements that they don't see in other profiles. Another one, "Hey, if you love camping and outdoors, just give me…" you know, "write me" but you add that little sensual touch, "We'll breathe in the sweet morning air." That's what I mean about poetry, is that it gives that little touch that women really respond to. And I'm going to show you sensual words down below, see if you can add that. So those are all invitations. That's what a brand does. A brand invites people in to have an experience. A brand doesn't hawk itself and sell itself and display its layers all over the place. Notice the "If" word. You're qualifying them, "If you're this person…" And we're going to do and -‐-‐ actually the next section, section 3. Is also about qualifying women by staking the moral high ground, all right? The bold man stands for his belief system, stands for his values, stands for wanting to see his vision come true in the world. He's not needy and supplicating women to please allow him into their life. And I tell you, an online profile is such a great practice ground for you to practice this voice. This is exactly how I practice when I first started dating. I practiced the voices because I wasn't ready to do it in public. I hadn't dated in -‐-‐ ever, since college, 17-‐18 years I had never dated. So I didn't know how to go on a date but I sure knew how to write and I sure knew how to try out words or try out phrases. I could see -‐-‐ you could see how women respond to them when they write to you. Okay, so section 3, lead by staking the moral high ground. This is huge, this will make such a difference for you, I promise. What you don't want 15

[0:35:02]

to do is say "Hey, look at me. I'm honest," right? That's advertising yourself, selling yourself and it gives her the control of the frame by implicitly asking for her approval. I hope everyone gets that because one of the key aspects of boldness online is that you're not asking for approval, you're staking your flag in the ground and then you're inviting people into your world. You get that difference. All right, let me give you a quick story. When I was on that show How to Get the Guy, it was on ABC. And there's this woman who found me online, she found my profile before I wrote my book. So she found my profile and they called me up and they wanted me to go on the show. And I said, "Well, I'll go on the show to meet this woman because she's very pretty and she sounds really cool, but I'm only going to go on my terms. I won't do anything that I wouldn't do off camera." And the reason I said that is, I said I don't want my kids to make fun of me.

I didn't want to do anything that would embarrass me. I don't want to be on stupid on television. I said I will only do what I would do offline. So when I got there, they gave me a picnic basket and they told me to go running out -‐-‐ walking down the beach, and when I saw her I'd go running up to her with my picnic basket. And I said to them I'm not going to do that. First of all, I would never do that in real life. It's very feminine. And two of my kids would make fun of me for the rest of my life. So, we argued for an hour and a half with the producers. I said, "Look, I told you I'm not going to do anything. She is sitting in a van but we hadn't met. She is sitting in a van. It's a hundred -‐-‐ maybe a hundred degrees. I mean it was really hot. In an un-‐airconditioned van, on the beach, forcing me out. Saying, "What's going on? What's taking him so long?" And when she came out -‐-‐ I had to spread a blanket, I had the picnic basket, I stood up, I held my hand out and I welcomed her into my space. That's the masculine thing to do. You don't go running up to her. You create a nest, so to speak, and you invite her in. And she was mad, when she found out about that altercation I have with the producers, she was like, "That's really hot" because I stood my ground. Now, she and I actually end up dating nine months. So, you're not asking for approval. You're setting the frame and you're inviting women in, huge point. Let me give you some examples. Let's talk about integrity in your profile. 16

So this is -‐-‐ you could say, "Note: Integrity is important to me. I have found that some women have nothing honest about themselves in their profiles and I've heard that men lie about everything from their height to their weight, to their employment. My profile, like my life, is in integrity. Please write me only if your profile is as well." See that? You've taken the moral high ground. You say, "I'm a person of integrity. I heard people lie…" Of course everyone heard that, right? But you're saying "I'm not that guy." So instead of just saying, "I'm honest. I'm full of integrity." You not only say it's important to you but you give proof of it, and then you're qualifying women to step up to your level. That's powerful. That's bold. That's masculine. Here's another one. "I don't allow second class behavior in myself. I really try to live to my best and I honor and expect that from the people in my life. In fact, I celebrate it in the people of my life." Guess what? A woman who doesn't allow second class behavior herself, whatever that maybe, he didn't really define it but you can guess what it might be, he's already honoring that and expecting that from the people in his life. So the woman who reads that, who values those things is now going to step up to, "Oh I'm that person." She's proving herself to him. She's selling herself to you, which is exactly the power position you want to be in. Next one. "Integrity and forthrightness are keystones of my professional life. I state my reputation in being authentic and responsible. My colleagues know that about me and they return it so will the special woman I seek." Again, qualifying her, and you get some social proof by taking about your colleagues. Now, obviously, you see these are true. If you're not a person with integrity and if you're not a person of forthrightness and you're all about second class behavior, don't say it. This is for guys who -‐-‐ this is standing for who you really are and your value system. Here's an interesting one, a friend of mine wrote this. "My perfect first date is a non-‐date." That gets her attention. "It's two people being together and getting to know each other. How about we stay in the moment and explore? If we get passed that, then the romance will flow easily if it's there to be shared. In other words, I don't date. I connect and explore the possibility of what can happen." Now what's good about this? He is using feminine language. He is hitting all those little triggers. All these words, "two people getting together, 17

[0:40:11]

getting to know each other," "stay in the moment", "exploring", "romance flowing", "sharing", "connecting", "exploring possibilities" these are all magical words for women, okay? So without going over the top, he's setting up a really interesting stake in the ground, "This is how I date. I'm not going to take you out and try to impress you. It's going to be about us trying to get to know each other." That's beautiful, by the way. Say, "My perfect first date is a non-‐date," great way to stand out from other people. So, I was talking to Dave again the other night. You will meet him. He's part of this program. We're going to be talking about digital seduction, he's great at it. And we were talking about, the other night, how on a date, the first thing he'll say is, "All right. Let's just like cut past all the bullshit that people do on dates, all right? Let's really get to know each other." And he immediately gets rid of all that stuff the guys ask, "How do I have a good conversation? How do we match in a conversation's questionnaire?" You take control. Now, we'll go into that, don't worry. We're doing a whole session on conversation and we'll do a whole one on digital seduction. So, boldly cut through the bullshit, right? That's one of those 20 laws of boldness, is you cut through the bullshit, right? You penetrate into the reality, pass all the social niceties. Now here's another way to qualify women, ready? "I'm a shameless sepiosexual. I'm turned on by your intelligence but more by your wisdom. We will spark if you'll be eclectic, happy, wildly curious, hypnotically feminine, slim, fit, conscious, fun and bold, whip-‐smart, but with no other interest for whips."

Now why do I love this one? It's mine, okay. First of all, I stole that word sepiosexual from another woman when I saw that on her profile. I never heard it before but I get it "sepio" is wisdom. So "I'm a shameless sepiosexual," and say "I'm turned on." Notice I used the word turned on, right? We're talking about turning on, sexual -‐-‐ buried sexual language, "by your intelligence." Now, remember we talked about scrambling women's brains by Jason Capital, that's a great example. I'm turned on by your intelligence. "Wait a second. I'm brainy but he's turned it on." So is it body or mind? Yes, it's both. It's all confused and it's wonderful. If you say, "I'm turned on by 18

your huge gazongas," very uninteresting man. If you say, "I'm turned on by your intelligence," now you're scrambling things up. Now I double scramble it by saying "But more, I'm turned on by your wisdom," right? And which is true by the way, for me. I like women who are deeply wise but then a lot of spiritual work. And then I say, "We'll spark if you be eclectic, happy, wildly curious, hypnotically feminine." That's, again, going into poetry a little bit. Hypnotically feminine is very different from just saying feminine. Now, women will write to me and go, "What do you mean by that?" especially women that feel that they're hypnotically feminine. I've also used the term "reflexively kind" instead of just "kind," someone who's naturally kind. So you could think about words that will make the common words stand out. And then, by the way, notice I throw in "slim, fit." It's very important to me that a woman is slim. I'm just not turned on by women who aren't. Fun and bold, and then remember I said humor? There it is, whip-‐smart, but with no other interest in whips. And you'd be amazed how many women write, "Guess what? Ha, ha, ha, I don't have an interest for whips, you know, unless you ask for it or something." They'll make a joke about it. So you want to throw in the humor so that you don't take yourself so over seriously, right? This is how you qualify women. You state what you want and they've got to step up to your level. Next, section 4 -‐-‐ you're getting all these? I know it's a lot but if you want to great at this, this is what you learn. Lead by staking your identity and your purpose. So, here is a wrong example, and these are real, "I work as a financial analyst at a University. I like my job but it's not life fulfilling." I guarantee you there is no woman with a vagina in this world who will write to this guy, who is settling for not being life fulfilled, all right? Even if you don't feel life fulfilled, you don't want to lead with that, right? You don't want to talk about that. You want to talk about how you do fulfill your life. And, by the way, you want to do everything you fucking well can to live a fulfilling life as soon as you can while you're still alive, by the way. But you never want to talk about not being on purpose, right? Here's another one, "I have heard people describe me as many things." Ah already! Warning system, this is not a man who stakes himself in the world. He's dependent on what other people say about him, not manly. And here are the words he gives, "Weirdo, serious, mad, depth" -‐-‐ he means deep, maybe he means Johnny Depp -‐-‐ "really funny, gentlemen, 19

[0:45:02]

selfless, loving, super tickle or handsome." Okay, so he doesn't take time to spell things right. Well, everybody makes mistake. "Yeah, I guess people sometimes just see one side of me and that's fine by me. All above is true." So, it's fine with him that people only see one side of him? Really? Because he has no desire to be a fully powerful man. All right, so he doesn't, he's that type. "My character is depending on the type of person and situation I am in. I guess that's normal." Ah! No. You are the hub of the -‐-‐ we're going to turn around you. You don't fit yourself like a chameleon into the world around you. You see how horrible this is? And he uses the term "I guess that's normal." You don't guess, by the way. And you don't hope. Never mention the word "hope" in your profile. Men don't hope, men plan and execute, okay? Men do things, you don't hope for things. So if you ever put hope in there, take it out, same with guessing. Here's the right way. Someone said "Sundays, I still believe I should hit the cliffs." Nice sort a way to drop that he's a lawyer. "I'll tell you all about that when we meet," which is great because it's salutation, future pacing. "The rush of blood, energy of life, as I made my way to the summit, one sure hand grasp at a time…" then he goes on talk about that. That's fantastic, right? Now we talk, right in the beginning, about passion. So you can feel, you can see this guy climbing this cliff. I love it! "One sure hand grasp at a time," good writing by the way because it's visual. She can see what's happening. She can experience with you your excitement. We're not going to talk about that here because we're talking about boldness, but it's in my book. The more she can experience sensually in her senses your passion for how you live your life or whatever excites you, the more she's going to literally feel in her body your profile and be more interested in you. That's a great job.

Now, let's say you're not climbing cliffs, or being a lawyer and jumping into the ocean, okay. Let's say you're the coach of a baseball team. You live in Ohio and you're just living a pretty normal life. Well, you could still stake it well. He says, "One of my favorite parts of being a father is coaching my son's baseball team. It's not just sharing the acceleration when the kid actually made contact with the ball and actually run in the 20

right direction, it's teaching them by example and with humor. A big lesson, graciousness in victory, honesty and -‐-‐ honoring defeat, support of one another no matter what happens on the field." I wrote that too by the way. I used to coach my kids baseball years ago when they were small. And what I'm doing here is I am staking those high moral values so that you take the moral high bar away from women. When women read that you're teaching children graciously in victory, honoring defeat, they'll going to like you. You're immediately going to stand out from those guys who are just bragging in their profiles or saying nothing. So, I'm a big fan of staking your values, not by saying them. "I believe in honoring defeat. I believe in graciousness in…" No, it's in a story form, right? They can picture the kid. And, again, a little bit of humor, when the kid actually made contact with the ball, okay? So it doesn't matter what you do but you can get across why you're a quality man in your profile and how you frame it. Now, a lot of people ask "Well, what about like my job?" Like, "You know, "I'm an I.T." or this or that. "How do I talk about that?" The worst thing you can do is put your jobs down. Unless you're a UN peacekeeper or you're a firefighter, probably is a good thing. There are very few jobs that are naturally sexy. I don't know why I said "UN peacekeeper" but you know, League of Justice or an Avenger, something like incredibly cool. Most of us don't have those jobs. It's generally not a good idea to list your job because it's one aspect of you. So what you don't do is list your job. But if you want to talk about your life, you want to talk about what you accomplished through your job. Literally, how do you serve people? How do you serve other human beings because that affects women? Women find men of service, soldiers, firefighters, all that are sexy. Now not everyone is a soldier or a firefighter. Let's say you're an accountant, you talk about service. "I help people keep their lives together so they can enjoy it stress-‐free." "I support people who want to get full focus on what they love doing best by doing the hard work for them which happens to be what I love doing best." Those are examples I give for accountants. Like, how could they write about what they did, but it's true, you're helping people -‐-‐ God knows my accountant helps me. So, think about what you do and think about the service, how you're -‐-‐ I'll use the word leader because I don't want service. It sounds like servant, 21

[0:50:00]

but you know, you're like a knight in service to somebody. You are helping people. That's attractive to women. Don't say your job. Now I get to do this, this is mine of course. "In my work, in my life, my attention is on some big questions. How can we all authentically live our truest voices? How can we love and receive love more fully? How can we best create a life we cherish in the days and nights we're given here on earth? If you are devoted to any of these kinds of questions…" see how I'm qualifying? "Our stars will align more naturally," that's what I say. "Because I am looking for a woman who's into these things, who thinks about these things," and then I talk a little bit more. Now I can do this, "I have a kind of a cool job and I make it work for me to the max. The companies I own teach many women confidence and depths, inspire all to live more fully with self-‐responsibility, self-‐direction, and embrace a genuine love and passion. Well, for writing the practices and resources to actually do it." Now I have that in there, specifically, because I'm not just looking for any girl anymore. I'm looking for -‐-‐ when I put this down, I'm looking for a super woman. I'm looking for an amazing, self-‐evolved woman who's maybe a teacher herself, right? Maybe she's a writer and teacher, a shrink or something -‐-‐ you know, maybe she's a world traveler, but that's what I'm looking for. So I put that in there to qualify, this is the kind of woman I'm looking for. And I set that bar really high for myself. Because like I said, that I can attract women now, but now I want someone at this level. So, what is it that you're proud of? Your workmanship, your expertise? If you're a crafts person, the look on people's faces when you help them, let women feel that. Stand for what you're doing in this world. Who are you serving? How are you making the world better? Even, as I've said, if you're an accountant. It's fine. You want to make it a little better, right? My accountant has made my life infinitely better. I am so deeply grateful to her. But I don't mean to be picking on accountants, believe me. But whatever you do, you're helping somebody. And let them feel the passion or how much you enjoy what it is that you love about your life. And fuck what you don't love about your life, don't talk about it, all right? Don't put it in your profile. Don't take yourself down at all. And then work on fixing those things in your life so you don't actually have them in your life anymore. Okay. Next section -‐-‐ there's two more sections.

22

Bold sensuality, sensual language, and future pacing. So, remember I said language has a texture. The words you use make a difference. And if you're looking at the sheet I sent you, there are words that you can get into your profile that have a sensual impact on women that's not overtly sexual. We're not talking about nipples and clitori, right? We're using words like bare and ripe, and supple and soft, and flowing and swaying, and musky and light, and sleek, feline heart, brawny, tender. I'll give you a whole list here and I'll put it on the answers page as well. The idea is that you don't use these words in the context of sex. You'll use them in the context of your passion, of your hobbies, of your travel, of food, right? Like they are ripe supple, let's look at those first few words. Nothing is going to happen with a ripe, juicy -‐-‐ you know, summer plum pulled off a tree at my house. So then I got -‐-‐ you use the language but it's in the context of other things. Let me give an example. In my profile, and this is one of my -‐-‐ this little short paragraph has appeared in probably 20 of my profiles over the years because it works so well and it's gotten better and better. So again, it starts with huge turn-‐ons. Not like "I like," huge turn-‐ons. When you say the word turn-‐on, you're talking about turning on, that turns on women. Huge turn-‐ons, wild coasts, warm ocean water, big group friend dinners, soulful vocalists, original thinkers, fat Fornelos, you Utah power, honest, sensualist -‐-‐ I probably dropped that one in -‐-‐ wits, people who work for something vast. Like how I drop that one in, and more than anything, sudden, unbidden, generous and natural expressions of love. Oh yeah, now I got to tell you, this paragraph has gotten me -‐-‐ so many women have written to me, here's an example that someone wrote to me, "You got me with just the words wild coast tan and like seasonal chocolates." I think tans was from an earlier one, "Such a beautifully written profile, staring not one ounce of expression." Let's say maybe what we need was two, Alicia, right? So that's just one of many but women will write to me all the time. I love fat Fornelos. Now that's a kind of inner language of wine -‐-‐ not that inner, but like fat red is. It's a certain kind of red wine. Look what I wrote, I didn't say I like to walk on the beach, everyone says that. I said "wild coast." Now I do, I love wild winter coast; warm ocean water, suggesting tropical beaches. Look what I did, "Big group friend dinners." Now I haven't really thought of big group friend dinner for -‐-‐ I 23

can't remember last time, but it says that I have lots of friends, right? And I'm not just a lone wolf out there, which immediately makes women feel safe, if they know you have friends and that you're socially situated. So, if you're part of a church or part of any kind of group, like get that into your profile or into your pictures so that they just don't think you're just some guy walking around, stalking them, being a Unabomber, right? You want them to know you have friends. "That of soulful vocalist," again, listen to those words. Soulful vocalist, it's true, I happen to love soulful vocalist from Rickie Lee Jones, you know, Ella Fitzgerald, name it. I could say of women singers but soulful vocalist, right? Soulful… Original thinkers, which is true. Fat Fornelos, Utah power, it says that I snowboard without bragging that I'm snowboarding. Honest, sensualist, this is my way of saying, "I like women who are really very sexual." Wits, people who work for something vast. Remember before I mentioned the term electric contrast? Electric contrast is a little bit like -‐-‐ we were talking about scrambling last week, it's two unlike qualities. They go, "Oh, that guy is interesting." So suddenly, people work for something vast. And guess what, that actually really turns me on. Like it will be hard for me to date or spend a long time with somebody who wasn't up to something big in the world. That's what turns me on, personally, okay? And more than anything, here is where laying in that future pacing, sudden, unbidden, generous and natural expressions of love. Now we talked a little about this last week again with that Jason Capital guy, and we talked about like setting up frames of like, "You know, you're a sensual person I can tell. You're not a bullshitter, you're direct. Unlike everyone else here, you're sexy, you're spontaneous, you're adventurous," right? That's all that great stuff that he does so well in person, you can also do online. What that is, is setting up the frame and the reality; your frame of reality that she's stepping in to. When you tell her she's adventurous, she has sudden, unbidden, generous and natural expressions of love, you're going to get a woman who sees herself that way, right? So much more powerful than saying, "I like walks on a beach and going to the theater." See what I'm saying? I hope so. Okay. All right, what is the last section? So final note, and I'll take a couple of questions. Use your book and movie lists. Okay, guys forget this. I always look at books and movies when I'm online. The books and movies that 24

[0:55:17]

Participant: Adam: Participant: Adam:

you list are -‐-‐ each of them is like a little signal for women about something. So whatever your favorite books and movies -‐-‐ here are some that I see on the profiles of women I tend to like, things like Henry & June, and Cinema Paradiso, Love Actually, right? Look at the profiles of the girls you want and see what they write. And if you like what they like, put it into your profile. Just borrow it, assuming you've seen it. Don't lie. I mean, if you see something you can watch it.

Don't put The Notebook. The Notebook to me is just pandering to women. It's just such an awful, horrible fantasy. And lots of them love The Notebook, I don't like it. And women love it because basically Ryan Gosling gives up his entire life, building his house, hoping this woman will come back to him. It's like 15 years or 20 years she finally comes back. Not how I recommend living. And I think it's little pandering to women and it's begging. So, look in women's profiles for books and movies that you like, or music that she likes. The kind of women you want, put it into your profile because she's going to look at yours, all right? So those are six or seven fundamental ways of changing your profile so that you're bold, so that you're branding yourself, you're not selling yourself. You're inviting her into your world. You're not begging to get into hers. You're standing for what you find valuable and you're qualifying her to make sure that she's good enough to date you. All those layers, I'll show you how to do that, will make her feel that you're a bold man and not someone who's just trying to get her attention. So, I'm going to take some questions. I'm going to put it on Q&A mode. If you press *7 on your phone, theoretically I should be able to hear you. So, if you have a question, try that. Hey Adam, this is Ted out in Albuquerque, do you do anything… Oh, hey Ted! Hey, do you do anything specifically if you want energetic but a younger woman? Often they sort of won't even look at you by age class. Yes. 25


What do you do there? So Ted, you're 53? 55, yup. All right, I think you were 53 when we met. I remember you. I just assumed you stayed the same age. This is a big issue. Okay, so let's talk about age. As it happens, I have a program coming out at the time we're talking called Date Younger with Dignity, which is specifically about dating younger women. I can tell you, from my own experience or from people I work with, that when you are in your early 40s it's really easy to date girls who are 30-‐33. When you get to 48, 49, 50 and older, not so easy. 37 or 35 maybe, but usually women in that category are often looking for their -‐-‐ you know, last chance to having a baby. Or they're getting hit on by every guy in their 50s and 60s, so it's not so easy to come through. So, there are specific ways to get the attention of younger women. But I will say, on straight online dating sites, it's not so easy anymore. Okay? There are sites that favor older guys, more than younger guys. You're going to have some sort of sketchy areas you have to filter but, you know, there are sugar daddy sites and things like that that are actually on -‐-‐ I think I might -‐-‐ I just wrote a whole book about one. About a site called whatsyourprice.co. You might want to look at it, whatsyourprice.com where people actually bid on a first date. The idea is -‐-‐ my friend started that site and it's huge. That there are lots of guys, not you particularly Ted, but he wrote it for himself. He's a Chinese MIT graduate who's a skinny little guy who couldn't get a date. Great guy, brilliant guy, fascinating guy, you know. He's in Antarctica right now as we're speaking with his gorgeous Lexan wife -‐-‐ or Lithuanian, one of those. And he couldn't get a date because he didn't have fun, and gooey, or -‐-‐ what's it called? Something user interface. Graphic user interface, right? That's how he explained it. So he doesn't come across well when you look at him, he's a skinny little guy. However, he's a great guy. So he had this idea like, "If I get a hundred bucks, would you give me a shot? Let's have a date." 26

Participant: Adam: [1:00:07] Participant: Adam:

And so, he created a whole site around that and it actually turned out to be a great site for women who want to meet more successful guys. It's not sugar a daddy site. It's not a paying you for sex, but I literally put up a hundred bucks for the first date. Could have spent that anyway on a bottle of wine, right? And what it has turned out is that it's -‐-‐ and I interviewed about 80 to 100 people on this site to write the book. It has actually ended up being helpful for guys who are really busy business guys who don't want to go on Match, you know, with a 53. They don't want to go out with a 53-‐year-‐ old woman. They want to go out with a 35-‐year-‐old woman. But it's harder on Match now because it's just -‐-‐ you know, they're significantly older. So, you might want to check into that. And women like guys who have -‐-‐ who are willing to put out the money. And they're not just gold diggers. They're just -‐-‐ you know, they were tired of dating guys who don't have money, or they want someone who's successful. So that's one option. Interesting. All right. In your profile -‐-‐ I'll just say a couple of things. In your profile to attract younger women, the more vital and vivacious and youthful your profile is, obviously the more you're going to attract younger women.

So, do you have a specific question of what you could include or not include? No. That's a good help, and you know, I felt bad on the age gap and that's some good ways to sort of go about it so… Yeah. Look, it's definitely harder on Match. It's very easy to meet women in their 40s. I don't know what you want. And there are places where you can meet girls in their 20s. You can go to SugarDaddyForMe or SeekingArrangement or any of these sites You can say very straightforwardly that you're not looking for arrangement, you're just looking for a super smart young woman and I've done on that, and I've been super clear that I don't pay, that I don't do arrangements and I've gotten literally on one site 2500 emails, some women. 27


Because there are so many younger women who are eager to meet guys who knows -‐-‐ and you're a pretty youthful-‐looking guy -‐-‐ you're a very youthful looking guy. There are so many young women looking for guys who know something about the world. They just want their leg up in the world. They're either in debt or they don't know anybody who does anything that they want to do or they're from a small town or they're trying to make it in a big city, and all their friends are also 23 who's just out of school and they don't know anything, and they love going out to dinner with the guy who knows something about the world, who could take them to a nice dinner, who can tell them about business. And so, I've met lots of women that way and I never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever paid like sugar daddy style. And I'm so clear on my profile I don't do that, and I've met amazing young women. Like literally, dream-‐ come-‐true young women; Playboy, cover models, lingerie models, that's just on the pre-‐end. Like that's how beautiful they are. And they're smart! The Playboy model, she had two degrees in finance. She wasn't some idiot. She just wanted to meet a guy who knew something and who had a great -‐-‐ and she wrote to me because of my profile because it was so bold and so powerful, so real, so authentic, funny and I stated what I'm about in the world, and I said, "Don't write me if you're looking for money. Write me if you want someone who can show you the world because I love young, ambitious women." If you'll let me, I'll send you their profile. Yup. Okay, great! And you being the person, but that gap -‐-‐ but I've had a real tough time online. Well, that I'm saying, I did all that online. Yeah, perfect. Watch out for my Date Younger product. It's going to be -‐-‐ it's really thorough and it's really interesting. And so, young guys, don't listen, don't listen. But what I discovered and something to look forward to that -‐-‐ when I first started dating I was 39, 40, I thought I had to date all the other moms. I didn't know. I didn't know anything. So I dated the other moms, right? The moms of the kids I coached. I went online. I looked for a mom, that's all I knew.

28


Participant: Adam:

And then as I learned more and more and I got better and better, I realized how many amazing women are in their 20s, forget 30s, 20s, who grew up with the internet, who are worldly, they're global, they started their own business. I have more in common with them than I do women my age because I'm kind of in this world, right? So you'll be amazed at how advanced women in their 20s are now compared to back when we were in our 20s. So don't put a limit on what you think you convey, because younger women do really like men of experience, as I call us. And we have a lot to offer that they're actually very hungry for. You just have to frame it that way. And Date Younger with Dignity is all about how to framing it that way. Now, I'll give you just one frame and let's hear it. But one frame that might be useful is, "Don't worry if you're younger than me, if you're interesting I'm sure you'll keep my interest," that's the frame, that's not the exact words. "I don't care how old you are, I don't care how young you are, if you're…" And then list what you're looking for, "then I'm sure you'll keep my interest," and then you'll flip the power of the frame. Great! Thank you. That was one of my favorite subjects. And I say, "I love young women who -‐-‐ that doesn't…" Okay. Thanks Ted. All right. All right. *7, I think we'll put you up. *7 if anyone else out there. *7 will make you audible. Hey Eric, I see you're out there in Wisconsin. Sorry about the game yesterday. Anyone else? *7 we'll unmute you if you're on the phone. If you're on a computer, you can't call in. Anyone? No more questions? You can always send me questions, that's the point of our page, theboldnesscode.com/questions, right. You could send me your questions on that page, I will answer them. Check the answer page, theboldnesscode.com/answers. I try to answer your questions everyday and put them up. I think somebody just came through. Fort Lauderdale. Hey, Adam. Jay. Hey, buddy.

29

Participant:

[1:05:18] Adam:

Participant: Adam:


Participant: Adam:

I got a question. What do you think about creating your own webpage for putting on your -‐-‐ making your case with a video and whatever and then using the online dating sites as an avenue to get that out there or using other methods for getting that out there?

Great idea! Fantastic idea! Brilliant idea! Absolutely! Yup. Why not? It's creative, it's interesting and you get to control the frame. My buddy William Scott has a whole product on how to do this in a really fun way. He'll actually give you the templates. I think it's like mosteligiblebachelors/fortlauderdale or /dallas wherever you are. And you just send them to that page and they're like, "Oh, holy shit! Who's this guy?" And he's got a whole template where it's like five pages deep. So I'll put that up on the answers page. But is that for multiple people? I'm talking about just one, just for you. That's for you, just for you. But it looks like you've been selected as most eligible bachelors in the country, right? But you said into your page, and the frame is most eligible bachelor, that's just a very clever way to do it. I'll post that on -‐-‐ but yeah, absolutely. Absolutely set up a page. Get your name, number one. Do you have your name, URL? I haven't picked one. No. No, no. Your name, your actual name. I don't want to say your name because I don't want to publicize you, but my name is Adam Gilad, so I own adamgilad.com. Okay. So whatever you name is, find that URL, get on WordPress, get some people to help you and dress it up the way you -‐-‐ you put it out there the way you want it to be seen, with videos, with whatever you want to put in there. But I think that's a great idea, why not, absolutely; and it's easy for them to remember. Do you know whether sites like Match and others allow you to put a link to your own webpage with video -‐-‐ They don't. You can't put www but you could put your name in and say, "You can look at my webpage," of that name; just be careful with the 30

Participant: Adam: Participant:

Adam:

Participant: Adam:


language because they have bots or whatever they are; like you can't put a www but you can let them know -‐-‐ And the concept of -‐-‐ in other words, if the screeners see that you're doing that, they don't support that idea. No, they don't. They might shut you down. So you don't need to write the words .com, find a clever way to say it. I don't really know the ways but find a clever way to send them. I don't think there's another way to get that out there. There was this woman, this woman in South Florida where I am, called The Love Guru, Blaire Allison and she had been all these major TV and internet news sites, MSNBC, CNN, you name it because she created a website called, marryblaire.com and just put three photos of herself in a playful way, wrote a brief profile what she's looking for and friends and families stared circulating and it became a worldwide phenomenon. Nice. Yeah, do it. I mean, I saw -‐-‐ there was a guy who bought a billboard I think in San Francisco or New York or something or some other city around the country. He bought a billboard. I think that's the boldest thing in the world. If you -‐-‐ I don't know -‐-‐ how old are you? How old am I? 56. You're 56. So, if you're really looking for that partner -‐-‐ and you're in Fort Lauderdale, so there's a lot of retirees and stuff like that, if you're dead set on finding a partner for example, right -‐-‐ and you can't put up a billboard and say, "Hey, I want to screw a lot of women." But you can say, "Successful man, looking for the woman of his dreams," and then -‐-‐ and you put up a billboard, that's as bold as you can possibly be because you're standing for what you want. Yeah, but I'm probably not -‐-‐ So based on your website is -‐-‐ what? I'm probably not ready to think of going that far but the website thing with video, you know, it just seems so free and something totally controlled with no limits and -‐-‐ Well, as I say a website is the parallel. It's the online parallel to doing a billboard. It's a great chance for you to state what you're about and you 31

Participant:

[1:10:06] Adam: Participant: Adam:

Participant: Adam:

Participant:

should have it on a card and if you go out at night, you could give it to other page and on my website. That's interesting. But part of my challenge is at 56, I kind of -‐-‐ I guess I'm a young looking 56 but I'm 56, a lot of white and gray hair. But when I'm out and about in the real world, the fact is that the vast majority of the women -‐-‐ well, I have say, women of all ages seemed to be attracted and interested, and I'm just learning to notice what the signs are of interest. The more I noticed, the more I see it's been happening for quite awhile, or the more I open up to myself the more -‐-‐ but the learning has been for years, women I've known for awhile, they're making it clear. But that includes women in their late 20s and early 30s and that's the ones I resonate with and we end up developing rapport. So, the online dating world is really challenging because the second they see the 56 profile, it's just an instant filter that makes it so much harder. So I'm thinking, if there's a way to get through that, the video, the live, more real, present kind of dimension -‐-‐

Yes, absolutely. -‐-‐ a video on the webpage or website it totally helps bridge -‐-‐ Yes and yes. The answer is yes. The answer is absolutely yes. And if a woman says to you -‐-‐ if she responds to you -‐-‐ and sometimes they've done this to me. "Wow! I really liked your profile but aren't I a little young for you or I'm a little old for you," you do what I told Ted just a second ago you'd say, "You know…" You do what? You do what I told Ted. You say, "You know, for most people that might be true, but I think you're interesting enough. Obviously, not all 35-‐year-‐ olds are going to interest me, but you actually seem interesting enough to keep my interest." And need to do the Jason Capital thing and say for at least 15 minutes, if you want. But you -‐-‐ I'm really looking forward to your program on the subject because you're right, the initial -‐-‐ even getting to that far to get that dialogue with a younger woman is 90% of a challenge to even get to that level because the filter right off the bat, either lie about your age which is never a good 32

Adam: Participant: Adam:

Participant:

Adam: Participant: Adam: Participant:

Adam: Participant: Adam:

precedent or they're filtering if they're -‐-‐ and they're just not looking and yet they come across you. Then again, the women that I meet, and we sit down at dinner, a 29-‐year-‐ old lawyer and then we get into -‐-‐ they wanted -‐-‐ sized me up for marriage and children and I ask, "How old do you think I am?" They'll say, "42." Exactly. So the profile online of 56 is a real impediment in a way. I don't know what the secret is to get through that. Well, there's no one secret but there are things you can do and those are some of them. You know, use the whole saying, "I don't care if you're 30, 40, if you're interesting, you'll keep my interest," that flips the power and there are ways of doing it, having a very vital fun, open, light profile. But, you know, if the woman is 29 and she wants to have kids, she's not going to date a 56-‐year-‐old unless you have kids. But still, the chemistry is there. It's a matter of -‐-‐ the chemistry happens in the real world when we meet. It's not something that -‐-‐ it's not in the realm of their filter range and they're just doing the initial searching online. Right. No, I agree. I will never say that it's easy to be 56 to date a 32-‐year-‐ old online but there are ways to make it easier and I will talk about all those in the other program. Yeah. Yeah. And believe me, it's not so hard. But I was thinking having your own webpage with your own video where you can demonstrate a lot more of your aliveness and so forth, and your personality, would be a big way to help do that if you get as far as getting them through that or find other ways to get that out there. Yes. Do you also have a Facebook page? Yes. Good. Your Facebook page -‐-‐ so do that, your Facebook page should be an advertisement for you. Now, you might have a personal Facebook 33

Participant: Adam:

Participant: Adam: Participant:

Adam: Participant: Adam: Participant:

page, you talk to your kids and all that, create a separate one that you send women to, that like tells you doing all those Fort Lauderdale things that you probably do with your boat and your beach and whatever you do down there, your alligators. But like, that show you young and vital and fun and doing cool things, you know. It's the way to advertise. One thing that a Facebook page is dedicated to, "Hi, this is my presentation to the fact that I'm on the market looking for the right woman." Yeah, sure. Absolutely! You could be -‐-‐ I think that's a great idea. It's a free way to do it; your Blaire did. Absolutely! I think it's great. Listen, one of my good friends is a matchmaker out here named -‐-‐ what was her name? Furman -‐-‐ Julia Furman, Julia first name, Furman. Okay. Anyway she's a good friend and one of her points is like, if you're serious about looking for somebody, be bold about it. Get out there, say it, tell your friend, "I'm looking for a great woman," tell all your friends. If you know anybody you think might be right for me, let her know, let me know. Stand for it. Don't wait for things to happen. Absolutely! So all your questions -‐-‐ yes, yes, yes. The more you do that's direct and bold and not needy, awesome. Great, thank you. Yeah, I love it. I like how you think. All right, thank you. All right! So, I'll take one more, I think we have another one here in Atlanta, are you -‐-‐ Yeah, I'm here. I'm 53 and I'm getting -‐-‐ I'm pretty new to all this and one of the things that I've -‐-‐ it's been helpful to me in the past, is when you have certain go bys or templates or something that, the other part of the question is getting feedback from there, is there -‐-‐ do you have any recommendation as to -‐-‐ once I put this together and do it, and how to get feedback and suggestions back on how to tweak this? From me or from women? Yeah, from you or -‐-‐ I mean, if there's other ways to do it, I mean -‐-‐ There are other ways. I'm open -‐-‐

34

Adam:

[1:15:10] Participant: Adam: Participant: Adam:

Participant: Adam:

Every once in a while I'll put out a-‐-‐ I'll do like a coaching day where I'll just do like half-‐hour sessions with people, look at their profiles, so keep an eye out for that. If you're interested I sometimes do like deeper coaching with guys who are new to the world out here.

So you can write to me, adamgilad@gmail if you're interested in that or just write me, since you're in this program, I can do a session -‐-‐ you can schedule a session with me, that's my best suggestion. Okay, great. You can also, by the way, ask women and say, "What about my profile that got your attention?" And you can ask your women friends, "What do you think of it?" Yeah. And remember, I'm going to quote this again, my favorite new cartoon is a picture of a woman with a Frisbee and saying, "Who are we? We're women. What do we want? We don't know. When do we want it? Now." Okay. So, don't always believe what they say, but it's true in the moment, and you can learn a lot. Perfect. All right, great. Good luck! Okay guys, I'm going to wrap it, it's getting late here. I hope you got a lot out of this. Again, you'll have an audio of this, we're going to have it transcribed. I'll put up a couple of links on the answer page and if you have any questions, please, use me. I'm part of this program. I'm here for you, theboldnesscode.com/questions -‐-‐ is it question or questions? Questions, plural. Send me your questions and I answer them every day, theboldnesscode.com/answers, nice and easy. All right. So any questions that you didn't think of yet or didn't have a chance to send in, please go ahead and send them to me. I'm really more than happy to answer. I want everyone here to be super successful. There's millions of women online and they're all looking for you, you just have to learn how to do it right, all right? So I'm going to open up and say goodbye to everybody. You can say goodbye, I just opened up the lines. So, see you next time guys.

35

Participant: Adam: Participant: Participant: Adam:

[1:17:12]

Bye. You can all shout, "Goodbye." Thanks Adam. Goodnight. Goodbye. I will see you next week. Have a great week. Put the stuff to work, tonight, don't wait because if you wait, you won't do it. Okay, that's how the world works. So get it done. All right guys, good questions, good night. I'll see you next week and we're going to be talking about, "No more Mr. Nice guy, and how to be Alpha and bring in bad boy aspects into your good man lifestyle." See you next week. End of Audio

36