MASTURBATION

OVERCOMING

MASTURBATION ADDICTION

MASTURBATION ADDICTION WHITE PAPER PART OF A CANDEO WHITE PAPER SERIES.

Masturbation is often referred to as a “healthy release,” but when you’re trapped in masturbation addiction, it can seriously disrupt your life and relationships. The following series of articles will help you understand why this addiction is so powerful and that you can break free.

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The second challenge with masturbation is that it can interfere with healthy sexuality in a long-term committed relationship. Over time, “self-sex” can become your brain’s “preferred” method for achieving sexual gratification, and create “impotence” when it comes to sex with your partner. It’s very important that you come to your own conclusions regarding whether masturbation is helpful or unhealthy. The following questions will help you with your thought process. • Does masturbating move you farther along the road to overcoming your unwanted sexual behaviors, or does it set you back?

IS MASTURBATION WORKING FOR YOU?” By the Candeo Professional Team

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hen it comes to sexual urges, masturbation is a common outlet that virtually all of our Candeo Students engage in at some level. Common questions about masturbation include—“Is masturbation OK?” “How many times a day can I masturbate?” “If I can’t masturbate are you saying that I can’t have any type of relief?” “If my partner won’t or can’t have sex, is masturbation an acceptable alternative?” At the end of the day, you are the one who needs to answer these questions, but we can give you some information

that will help you in this very personal process. It’s very important to realize that when you fantasize and masturbate, you activate a very complex “sexual circuitry” in your brain and body—the same type of circuitry triggered by an actual physical sexual encounter. Whether it’s fantasy with masturbation, or real sex, your brain responds in the same way and releases the same powerful neuro-chemicals. From your brain’s perspective, masturbation is literally “self-sex.” There are two problems with this—

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The neuro-chemical rush triggered by masturbation can quickly become your convenient and instant “drug-of-choice” for pleasure, escape and self-medication from the loneliness, boredom and stresses of life. Masturbation can quickly become a “crutch” that is difficult to give up. Remember, orgasm is one of the most powerful physiological experiences the human body can have. Whatever activity, environment, mood, individuals or images you link orgasm to, will be highly reinforced in your mind and become addictive very quickly. So, be very selective about how and when you allow yourself to achieve climax.

• Each time you masturbate are you increasing your ability to leave it alone, or are you becoming more dependent on it? • After you reach climax through masturbation, do you feel better about yourself or worse? • Does it make you feel more connected to people or less? • Does masturbation lead you to objectify yourself and others by focusing solely on body parts? Or,

does it help you view yourself and others as “whole” people. • If you’re in a committed relationship, does it help you feel more connected to your partner, or create a barrier and disconnection? If you have determined that masturbation is not something you want in your life, then you need to begin your Advanced Recovery Training program with Candeo and get on the path to breaking free from this unwanted behavior.

cal therapy work. It would have taken longer and a lot more work, but today she would be walking, running, doing recreational stuff—she would have the freedom to do whatever she wants instead of being a slave to her crutches. So how does this compare to masturbation? Every time I felt stressed, pressure, depressed, bored, lonely or just wanting a rush I ran to my crutch, masturbation, which was quick and easy and free. But every time I turned to that I became more dependent on it, like my sister’s crutches, and at same time I wasn’t developing any other skills to deal with my challenges. So like muscles not being used, those other capacities and powers and abilities shriveled up and became mostly useless. So when I was lonely or bored or stressed, instead of dealing with those in a self building and developing way I took the easy, quick route of masturbation. This made me a really narrow person who became weaker and weaker and more and more dependent on my crutch or my drug. To put it bluntly, I was a slave to it.

IS MASTURBATION A CRUTCH? Submitted by anonymous Candeo Student

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‘ve been in the Candeo program for a few months and the stuff I’m learning really got me thinking about this whole masturbation thing. I started masturbating when I was about 13 and I did it regularly all during my teen years. A lot of times I did it with porn and other times just to fantasies in my mind and sometimes I did it for a quick rush or just to get to sleep. It wasn’t a big deal and it wasn’t hurting any one, it was convenient and free, and it was just a natural, normal urge. But it got out of control where I couldn’t “not” do it and that really pissed me of, like something was

controlling me and I was a slave to it. I don’t like to be controlled. That is one of the big reasons I signed up for the Candeo program so I could get my freedom back, so I could get back in charge of my own life. About the time I started looking at the Candeo website, I was also taking a psychology class in college. We were studying about how the human brain and body follow a kind of “use it or lose it” approach. As we talked about it I started to make a connection to masturbation. I know that sounds weird but hear me out. Our body is majorly efficient. If we stop using something, it shrinks or totally shuts down all together. Here’s an example. I have a sister who was in an accident and messed up her

knee. She had an operation and was on crutches. She was supposed to go through physical therapy and start putting weight on her leg gradually and build it up. She didn’t like the work and pain so she stayed on the crutches and didn’t follow through on the physical therapy. The result was very limited range of motion, lost muscle, scar tissue built up and she can’t walk well to this day. Because she wouldn’t do the hard work and took the easy route of relying on her “crutch,” her body didn’t use all of its healing and building capacities and powers. Yeah, she can get around, but now she has to have her crutches just to function at a super basic level. Compare this to what would’ve happened if she hadn’t totally relied on the crutches but had done the physi-

I tried just fighting the urge, just forcing the thought out of my head but that was a joke. I could only fight it so long until I gave in every time. Then the Candeo program taught me how to start using my other coping skills and abilities. How to stop relying on my crutch and start developing and building healthy skills. The trouble is that masturbation releases a ton of natural chemicals in the brain just like with a drug addiction and my brain became wired to rely on the chemical release for all kinds of situations in my life. As I learned to use other outlets and responses I noticed that the urge to masturbate lessened more and more. At first it was pretty tough, but I just kept at it and over some time I felt myself breaking free. This was so amazing because I never thought I could get to that point. I still have some times where I fall back into it, but they are fewer and fewer. It’s getting to the point where it’s just not that big of a deal and really there are a lot of other things I enjoy more. The biggest pay off of all this is that I don’t feel like a slave any more—I actually have my freedom back and that is worth everything.

“AFTER

YEARS OF PORN AND MASTURBATION,

I HIT ROCK BOTTOM

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Submitted by Candeo Student, John Hodges

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i, my name is John Hodges and I started with Candeo back in the early fall of last year. I was at a point in my life that I knew had to be rock bottom. I had lost my marriage and fell through a roof and was out on workers’ comp. I was at home surfing the web when I found an article about Candeo. After losing my marriage due to a string of bad choices I had made, I had plunged myself into self medicating with pornography and masturbation. I knew, however, that at some point I was going to pass the point of safe return and be lost forever (because I chose to be). I didn’t want this. So, when I saw the article and came to the site, I felt that God and steered me to it. Now, I KNOW that He did. I didn’t balk at the price, it was much higher then, because I knew I had to try something different. I had been looking at porn off and on for years . . . masturbating quite regularly since I was 9, and really never saw a way out. In fact, every time I heard the charge to “be perfect” from the scriptures, I would cringe and wonder why God was such a harsh disciplinarian. Again,

it was time for a change. I had struggled by executing a bad strategy long enough, so I knew that this was time for me to call a time out, re-strategize, and to go back into the game with a new game plan. Candeo was/is exactly that…a new game plan! It stresses change, accountability, and for me, most importantly, consistency…not perfection! It’s exactly what I needed, and still need, in order to live my life as peacefully as I do now. But I’ve learned that the techniques I learned through Candeo not only benefit me with sexual addiction, but also with my food addiction…in fact, I’m down by more than 40 lbs since starting, my relationships with my children, ex-wife, and even ex-in-laws are the best they’ve ever been. But most importantly, I have learned, through this process and the techniques, to love ME. I love myself so deeply now. Through this journey, I’ve gone through several phases trying to figure out who I am…something I was always afraid to do because of my fear of what others would think of me. I went through a clubbing phase, a rock star phase, a jewelry wearing

phase, and even a gender bending phase (with nail polish and eyeliner, too…EVEN AT CHURCH!!!! LOL!!!) In the end, I’ve come to realize that I am me . . . and without all of the accessories, clothes, make-up, etc. . . . I love me, and God loves me with or without those things . . . so nothing else in the world matters. In fact, knowing this, everything else really just falls into place. I love me best with all of the exterior and surface stuff stripped away . . . everything . . . just me being me. I’ve learned to connect with deity in a way that I never thought possible. And I don’t see my God as a tyrant that I fear reporting to, or who is constantly looking over my shoulder. No, I know that’s not who He is. He is a God who loves me, who keeps all of his promises, who, through His Son, has made it possible for me to be perfect in times of temptation through His tender mercy, love, and enabling grace.’ To sum this all up . . . Candeo so rocks!
 May you find peace – body, mind, and spirit.

I STOPPED MASTURBATING Written by the Candeo Professional Team

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ere’s an excerpt from one of Candeo’s program forums—

When I was young we joked about ‘jerking off’ or ‘jacking off,’ of course I knew this was really called masturbating. But calling it “masturbating” sounded like something my health teacher would have said, and certainly didn’t sound much like fun. I grew up thinking of it as something recreational that all guys do. I believed it was perfectly natural, and normal. It’s not a joke anymore. I became addicted to masturbating. Masturbating had taken over my life. It’s not a topic that’s easy for anyone to talk about. Dealing with a masturbation addiction is hardly commonplace conversation. It’s widely believed that masturbating is a normal part of growing up and passing through puberty. But, when a young man matures and begins seeking out pornographic images to stimulate his habit, it can become a frightening addiction. One that very few people understand. Here’s another Candeo Student sharing his story— I’m 34 years old and I’ve never been married. I’ve never even been in a serious relationship. Some people have wondered if I’m attracted to women. Are you kidding me?! I spent most of my waking hours buying internet pornography of women to fuel my fantasies. I love women but I’d pretty much shrunk into this dark world where I couldn’t look a woman in her face. Every pretty woman triggered my desire and the only way to find satisfaction was to jump on the web and get a porn fix as fast as I could. When something like that becomes a compulsion I’d say that’s pretty much an addiction. That’s sure how it was for me. The topic of sexual addiction has been hotly debated in the last few years. Many people talk about the moral and social implications of pornography and work hard to keep pornography out of the hands of families

and children. Others, including Hollywood and the Media try to convince us that it is a harmless pastime. Some go so far as to suggest that it can be helpful in a marriage. But the reality is this: Millions of dollars are spent and wasted every single day by people viewing pornography on the Web. Productivity at work is down, divorce rate is through the roof, and families are being ripped apart. Yet, there continues to be a segment of society that says, “There’s nothing wrong with porn.” People are free to choose what they view in the privacy of their own homes, but they naively start viewing pornography because of this misinformed attitude, which leaves many thousands of destroyed people in porn’s wake. Here is the disheartening fact: To many individuals pornography is addicting. It can be as addicting as street drugs, like cocaine, because of the way pornographic images release chemicals in the brain. And for indi-

viduals who actively view pornography and then masturbate, it becomes a toxic mixture. I am a masturbation addict. I am a pornography addict. I didn’t know I was until I started the Candeo program. I had no clue why I craved pornography and masturbated without control. There were days when I pretty much decided I was a freak and that it would just have to be the way I lived my life. But my life was a wreck. I lived in constant fear of being caught viewing porn and I was tired of running from real women. I wanted a relationship with a “real woman,” not a pornographic replacement. My masturbation addiction was keeping me from what I wanted in life. I finally regained control of myself. I’m not listening to anyone who says porn and masturbation are not addicting. I’m living, breathing proof that it is. I’m now only going to listen to the

teachings of the Candeo program, which have helped me regain control and understand my urges. I’m actively replacing my thoughts and desires with positive connections. I’ve never felt better about myself. I stopped masturbating. Candeo’s message is simple: “You can stop masturbating. You don’t have to be addicted to masturbation any more. You don’t have to stay addicted to porn’s ‘self-medication’ for one more day.” Candeo is a revolutionary new program that teaches and trains students about the nature of their pornography addiction and their masturbation addiction; and how to overcome it. Our program is anonymous, private, safe, and completely accessible through our online portal. The Candeo program takes you through a step-bystep process to rewire your brain and shed your habits of the past, free from the awful confines of a masturbation addiction.

I DON’T KNOW

IF I’M READY TO GIVE UP MASTURBATION Written by Dr. Bernell Christensen

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he most satisfying and fulfilling rewards we receive at Candeo come in the form of individuals all over the world sharing their success stories with us. This is why we created Candeo—to fulfill our vision of helping people break free from unwanted sexual outlets and behaviors. But for every success story, there are many struggling individuals that visit our website seeking help, but for different reasons decide not to proceed with our full training program.

If you’re involved in masturbation and other unwanted sexual behaviors, and you’ve tried to stop but can’t, I want to talk with you for a few minutes. First of all, please know I have a lot of understanding and compassion for where you are right now. For more than 30 years, I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to work with individuals and couples from all walks of life. I have witnessed their struggles to break free from many different kinds of sexual outlets and behaviors—things that started out pleasurable and exciting, but over time became extremely

disruptive in their personal lives and relationships. While the words are different, everyone who comes to me for help essentially expresses the same feelings, “Dr. Christensen, the sexual stuff I’m into just isn’t working for me anymore. I want to stop. I want to get my life back.” If you feel this way, but you’re hesitant to move forward with the Candeo program, here are a few of the barriers that often hold people back from getting the help they need. Perhaps one or more of these are getting in your way:

It’s awkward and embarrassing to get help:

Because the Candeo program is completely online, you can get help and remain anonymous. You can use a private “screen name” to communicate with your Candeo Coach, and with other struggling individuals world-wide in our “Student Forum.”

I can do it on my own: It’s

natural to think that you can break out of your behaviors on your own. Maybe you can read the right book, listen to some CDs or find free resources on the Internet. In a few cases, people can be successful with books, CDs and working it out on their own. But, if you’ve tried this route, and you’re still stuck, then you really need to seek additional help. In the Candeo program, we have assembled a host of highly effective instruction, training, tools, resources and support—all in one place, at the push of a button. Everything you need to be successful is likely found in our online program.

I don’t know if I can quit:

After trying again and again to break out of unwanted sexual outlets and behaviors, and falling right back into old habits, it’s easy to wonder, “Will I ever break free?” Since we first began our online program, Candeo has helped struggling individuals in all 50 states and in 83 different countries across the world. There’s a very good chance we will be able to help you. You’ll never know if you don’t at least try.

My motivation goes up and down:

We all have the habit of “waiting for the perfect timing” to make important decisions and take difficult steps in our lives. The trouble with this approach, is that often, the perfect timing never comes. I find that the best approach is to simply “decide to decide” and just get started. Otherwise, you’ll keep

procrastinating, rationalizing and delaying the success that’s waiting for you.

The cost is too high and I don’t have the time:

We’ve designed the Candeo program to be extremely cost effective. Because the program is online, you can be involved whenever it works for you. We’ve also divided the training, tools and resources into short time frames, so you can easily fit it into your busy schedule. So, time and money are really minor issues. Besides, if you calculate all of the various “costs” of your unwanted behaviors, you’ll probably decide, “it’s not worth it” to keep putting off getting help.

I don’t know if I really want to give it up:

Many struggling individuals have a kind of “love/hate relationship” with masturbation and other unwanted sexual outlets and behaviors. In some ways, what they’re doing is highly pleasurable and self-medicating. But, over time

the “rush” or “high” becomes less satisfying and the after-effects increasingly severe. Many grow increasingly weary of the bouts with depression, loneliness and other negative emotions. Some are simply tired of “being a slave” to their impulses and outlets. Many individuals I’ve helped over the years have put it very plain and simple—“I just want my life back!” or “I want to feel normal, be normal and have normal, healthy, fulfilling relationships!” If you’re trying to decide whether or not you’re ready to change, or get some help, take it from someone who has worked with many thousands of people with similar struggles for more than 30 years—There’s no better time to get started than right now; if not now, then when? Believe in yourself. Believe that it is possible to change. Believe that you deserve to be happy and have fulfilling relationships. All you have to do is take that first step— it all begins by signing up for the Candeo program.

cause,..well,…look how many people this thing affects! I am starting the cycle again….it seems like I cannot go more than 4 days without indulging… I’m so pathetic! I love the honesty and transparency of this guy’s comments. What he describes is exactly what I and so many others have felt. It’s a soup of emotions all mixed together. It starts with outright frustration—“Why can’t I just stop doing this? What’s wrong with me? It shouldn’t be that hard— just decide and then do it!” Then you throw some confusion and mystery into the mix—“Why does my crazy brain function this way? How can some stupid urges be this powerful?” Then you toss in some plain old disgust—“I can’t believe how pathetic and weak I am! This whole sex urge and brain addiction thing is ridiculous!” Finally, you add some rationalization, blame, a healthy dose of shame, and some hopelessness—and there you have it—the complex emotional soup known as “masturbation addiction.” And fortunately, for many of us, there are two additional ingredients we manage to force into the mix, albeit in meager amounts—a pinch of hope and a smidge of determination. By a miracle, we keep hanging on to the dream that we can somehow beat this thing!

MASTURBATION DRIVES ME CRAZY! Written by Mark Kastleman

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s I reflect back on my own heavy addiction years, and consider the many thousands of struggling individuals I’ve communicated with over more than a decade, I notice some very common frustrations, confusion, and just plain exasperation! Here’s a recent blog comment on our site that really says it well:

“PATHETIC how WEAK the human brain is! I don’t know what to do. I’ve had this problem for way too long! I have actually started to hate real women because it’s not like it’s ‘easy’ to get with them. Everything in life has to be a ‘challenge’ huh? Well it’s no stinking wonder why we get addicted to something like masturbation. But then the masturbation itself becomes an even bigger problem.” “I often question myself and ask

myself while I feel the urge to ‘act out’ and masturbate and look at porn: What IF I DON’T do it…..what if I just resist and endure the pain…what is the worst that could happen? But I still fail and go ahead and give in. I am seriously disappointed in the human brain – this type of addiction simply shouldn’t happen. Nature has too many flaws! The reason I blame nature instead of blaming myself is

How do you start to get a handle on the crazy emotions that your addiction cycle triggers? How do you keep from going crazy? The first thing to understand is there is noth-

ing mysterious about your situation. There is a logical, scientific explanation and process behind your addiction, or what we call, “How did I get here?” Once you understand the brain science behind addiction, you can trace the step-by-step process that landed you in your current rut. This understanding is a big part of beginning to rid yourself of shame and self-loathing because it proves that you aren’t a loser, freak, pervert or lost cause! Just like a cocaine addict or alcoholic, there is a logical explanation behind your addiction. Second, you must learn that you are NOT permanently stuck in your addiction—there is a step-by-step process that will lead you out. The amazing thing about this recovery process is that it is very similar to the one that developed your addiction in the first place! As we say, “What got you into your addiction can get you out.” It’s a matter of learning HOW your brain forms dominant habits, and then harnessing and directing that process to build new healthy habits and a way of life that no longer includes masturbation as your “drug of choice.”

The latest neuroscience proves that our brains are “neuro-plastic” or in other words, moldable and changeable. You can’t recover with the dominant addiction circuitry you have in your brain today. You must learn how to shrink that addiction circuitry while building and expanding new healthy circuitry. Brain scans show that this can be done. You possess within yourself all of the fundamental building blocks to make it happen. All you lack is the training, tools, skills and consistent repetition over time. Come and let us help you change your brain and break out of your addiction. Get started with the Candeo program and get moving down the path to freedom!