Problems and the Power of God Gary Smalley

Problems and the Power of God Gary Smalley

The grace of God is the gateway through which come the solutions to all of life’s problems and challenges.

When I was 58 years old, a light bulb went off in my head. I was wrestling with a significant issue in my life that I had not been able to get a handle on, when it suddenly dawned on me that God’s power ought to be sufficient to save me from self-destructing in this area. I can hear you thinking, “Gee, Gary, that’s pretty fundamental. Why did it take you until age 58 to figure this out? Haven’t you been teaching seminars and writing books about solving life’s problems for a while now?” Yes, I have—and my experience goes to show that we’re never finished; that there’s always more God has in store to teach us. I want to relate some of the principles I’ve learned in the last several years which I believe can be applied to any problem area of life. But I have a particular burden to share my story with pastors and church leaders. First, let’s acknowledge up front that pastors have problems like everyone else. But too often, pastors are forced (by default, not always by choice) to live with their problems because they don’t know who to talk to or are too embarrassed to ask for help. And far too often, as statistics on divorce and moral failure in the ministry reveal, those problems can be ticking time bombs just waiting to go off. Some who read this chapter are wrestling with the same issue I was, but for others it will be a different challenge altogether. Regardless of what the issue is, I believe what I learned is true: The grace and power of God are sufficient to meet any and every need we have. And when we overcome problems through His power we find, like ripples on a pond, the positive benefits spread to other areas of life as well.

Profile of a Problem My father died of a heart attack when he was 58 years old, and my older brother died of the same thing at age 51. Another older brother underwent triple-bypass surgery in his fifties. As I watched these events unfold I reached a perceptive conclusion: If your last name is Smalley and you’re a man in our family, you’re a candidate for big-time heart trouble. But, like many of us do, I dutifully noted the warning signs and continued on with my life. After all, I was a Christian, exercised pretty regularly, and was serving the Lord. I admit my diet was not particularly commendable, and I did try to clean it up a bit whenever one of these family coronary events occurred. But for the most part, I ate what everyone else in America was eating —and lots of it. But that had never been a problem, even as I entered my fifties. Growing up, I

could eat whatever I wanted and never gain a pound. Even through my thirties and forties my activity level was so high that my metabolism seemed to burn off everything I consumed. Friends would be amazed at how much I could eat, seemingly without effect, and tell me it would catch up with me one day. But I saw no signs of trouble and continued merrily on—until my 58th birthday. Seemingly overnight, I began putting on weight. For some reason, I developed a whole new relationship with food. I began enjoying new and different foods and consuming them with gusto. Looking back, I know that some career changes I made had brought a new level of stress into my life and my relationship with Norma, my wife. And I began using food as a source of comfort during an uncomfortable period of my life. To summarize a year into a paragraph, my eating habits were out of control and my weight started rising to dangerous levels (was I about to become the fourth Smalley heart casualty?). I found myself powerless to stop what I knew was self-destructive behavior on my part. That year turned out to be the most humbling of my life. I had become like people I had criticized and hurt with my judgmental attitude about their inability to keep weight under control (or any other problem). I had met the enemy, and he was me. Even while I was battling this problem, God in His grace began to show me things. There was a definite connection between what I ate, how I felt, and how I treated other people. I came to outline it as a four-point cycle that goes on and on until it is broken: •Our food choices affect our emotional health. •Our emotional health affects our relationships. •Our relationships affect our physical health. •Our emotion/physical health affects our food choices. •And the cycle begins again with food choices affection emotional health. I see that clearly now, but while fighting the Battle of the Bulge I learned the principles slowly and painfully. The day to which I referred earlier (the day the light bulb went off) came out of a sense of desperation. I had been reading books about God’s power in our lives, and I realized something I had been blind to before: I was only going to solve this problem with God’s help. Instead of focusing on foods and faults, I need to focus on God. So I began an experiment. Without telling anyone, I decided to see if God could break the cycle of poor eating and poor relating. What did I have to lose—besides weight? I cried out to God in prayer admitting that I was enslaved and I saw no way out except by His grace. This was new territory for me. I had never been faced with such an overwhelming need. I had no experience with God’s power at this deep level of my life. But I chose to believe that with God, all things are possible—and set out to discover how.

Without relating all the details, I am thankful to say that God did meet me in my hour of need. He opened a whole new vista of understanding to me in the following few years. My weight is back to normal, I am healthier than at any time in my life, and I have repaired many relationships I had weakened in the past by my critical spirit. In the process of discovery and tutelage God took me through, I read dozens of books on the relationship between food and our emotions, and the impact of both on our relationships with those around us. I was so excited by what I learned that I wrote a book of my own and produced a video series to share what God taught me about physical and spiritual health.* My breakthrough came when I discovered the connection between the two most powerful forces in human experience: Food and love. Whether food is an issue for you or not, I believe the principles I discovered in my pilgrimage to better health can be of help in any arena of your life. For three decades I have been committed to helping people learn to strengthen the important relationships in their lives, especially those at the marriage and family level. And any unresolved problem is going to impact relationships in some way. So my prayer is that what I learned about God’s grace and power will ultimately serve to strengthen the most important possessions we have on this earth—our relationships with people.

Leave the Bootstraps on the Boots This is America, right?—the land of Horatio Alger’s meritorious methods for success. We learn from an early age that the way to succeed in life is to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps; to fix whatever’s broken and move on. That was good advice during the Industrial Revolution, I guess, and still applies in many situations. But in the kingdom of God, working longer and trying harder is rarely God’s way of bringing victory. I had to let go of the bootstraps and learn some new things about overcoming challenges in my life. Rules don’t make us better. As much as we would like to implement three steps to fix this or five ways to overcome that, Scripture is clear that sin loves nothing better than a list of “do’s and don’t’s” to work with. We are destined to fail when we try, in our own strength, to live up to God’s standards. If rules and regulations were the answer, there would be no problems in the church. We would all be healthy and the correct weight. There would be no divorces or moral failures. Our relationships would all be harmonious. Our problem is not a lack of standards. We know the rules, we just don’t (can’t) keep them. We think there’s a difference between society’s rules and God’s rules. If the American Heart Association says “Don’t overeat!” and we still overeat, we think it’s because we didn’t read it in the Bible. Yet God says to “put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony” (Proverbs 23:2) and we still go back through the buffet. God’s rules aren’t even adequate for our problems. Rules lead to deprivation. There are theological reasons having to do with our fallen, fleshly nature, and the power of indwelling sin, that explain why we can’t keep laws. But from a practical perspective, we don’t like rules because we have to give up our stuff in order to keep

them. I don’t like giving up my personal stuff!—and neither do you. To be healthy, we have to give up Epicurean pleasures. To have good relationships, we have to give up autonomy and individuality. To exercise, we have to give up time, energy (and perspiration). To be spiritually mature, we have to give up sinful desires. Rules lead to deprivation—they deprive us of things we think will fulfill us. The apostle Paul certainly experienced the downward cycle associated with rule keeping (read Romans 7 in The Message for an insightful, fresh perspective on Paul’s experience). God promises to help us. It is only when we discover what Paul did that we find the power to overcome whatever problems confront us. Consider his words afresh in light of the struggle I was in (and the struggle you may be in): “I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different” (Romans 7, The Message). I was at the end of my rope, and God’s grace in Jesus Christ became the only thing that could save me. And save me it did—maybe my very life in light of my family’s medical history. God’s promises to help us became the key to victory for me, and can be for you as well. Again, in light of my experience and yours, see if these Scriptures don’t offer what each of us needs: •“Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,” says the Lord Almighty. (Zechariah 4:6, NIV) •I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. (Philippians 4:13, NIV) •But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you. (Acts 1:8, NIV) •I advise you to live according to your new life in the holy Spirit. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The old sinful nature loves to do evil, which is just opposite from what the Holy Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are opposite from what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, and your choices are never free from this conflict. But when you are directed by the Holy Spirit, you are no longer subject to the law. (Galatians 5:16-18, NLT) •When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law.” (Galatians 5:22-23, NLT; emphasis added) •Loving God means keeping his commandments, and really, that isn’t difficult. For every child of God defeats this evil world by trusting Christ to give the victory.” (1 John 5:3-4, NLT) •For Christ has accomplished the whole purpose of the law. (Romans 10:4, NLT) In my own experience, I came to the gradual realization that it was not up to me to master my eating habits in my own strength. I had tried and failed to do that. Nor is it up to any of us to master our anger, our lust, our pride, our envy, our insecurity . . . none of those issues will be

overcome apart from God’s grace. And that is exactly what He wants us to see—that He will give us strength to change from within. Later I will share some keys I used to tap into the strength God makes available to us for change.

God’s power leads to opportunity. As you have read, Paul didn’t throw up his hands and walk away in despair at his inability to keep God’s rules. He told the Christians in Rome that the answer was Jesus Christ living within the believer. He goes on in the next chapter of Romans with words I had read many times before but which were like a new revelation to me in my hour of struggle: “The law always ended up being used as a band-aid on sin instead of a deep healing of it. And now what the law code asked for but we couldn’t deliver is accomplished as we, instead of redoubling our own efforts, simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us . . . So don’t you see that we don’t owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There’s nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God’s Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go!” (Romans 8, The Message). “Things to do and places to go!”—that was what I wanted for myself. Instead, I was trapped in a struggle that I worried might kill me until God opened my eyes to see afresh His provision for me in Christ. Now, when I read the Bible it is with a whole new expectation. Instead of cringing at the things I read that I’m not doing, I recognize them as things I know God is capable of doing in me. Remember the “Please be patient—God is not finished with me yet” buttons people used to wear? That’s how I feel when I read the Bible now. I get a beautiful picture of what God is perfecting in me through the indwelling Spirit. I could not stop eating and begin to lose weight and return to good health in my own strength, but I was able to in Christ’s strength. By grace alone, what I desired was accomplished in me.

A Picture of Provision The best way I know to illustrate what God did for me, and what He wants to do for all His children, is to tell you of another provision He made for our family. I wish I had learned to trust God for my food and relational needs as quickly as I did in this instance. But in due time it served as a marvelous model for what I needed to do regarding food. In 1977, I was the assistant pastor of a church with a young family and a beat-up Ford station wagon. We barely had enough money for monthly expenses, much less to replace our car—and we didn’t want to go into debt to buy a new one. But we did need a better car; ours was a breakdown waiting to happen, which it often did. I knew only one thing to do: Pray and ask God to replace our car. So my little daughter, Kari, and I prayed every night, telling God we didn’t want to go into debt for a car and asking Him to provide what we needed. We prayed this way for a year in complete peace. I really believed God was going to do something. I made no effort to “fix” the situation, or engineer a solution. I just prayed and waited on Him.

One day a wealthy friend of mine was in town and we met together. When it was time for lunch, he asked if we could take my car, and for some reason said, “Give me the keys—I’ll drive.” He got behind the steering wheel and was catapulted toward the windshield by the broken seat springs. I apologized and explained I hadn’t been able to get them fixed. When we arrived at the restaurant he attempted to get something out of the back seat and couldn’t get the back door open —it was rusted shut. “Gary, is this your only car?” he asked. I said it was. His exact words were, “This is pathetic.” I told him I couldn’t agree more, and then marade light of the situation by telling him we were trying to get all the use out of her we could before she expired. My friend missed my weak attempt at humor and said, “Listen, Gary, go to a car dealer after lunch and pick out whatever car you want. I’ll pay for it.” And I did. It was the first time in my life I had owned a new car. I believe God’s provision came when and as it did because I went to Him empty-handed and asked for a miracle. And that is not the only time God has met our needs in a similar fashion in material and spiritual ways. But for some reason, I missed my need for a miracle in the case of my struggle with food—until God showed me that was the only way I was going to win the battle.

Principles for Receiving God’s Provision If you’re a pastor, you’ve probably taught Romans 7 and 8 many times. You may be thinking, “Where has Smalley been all these years that he’s just now understanding these things?” That’s a reasonable question, and I think I have a revealing answer: I’ve been right where much of the church is at this moment—trying to solve life’s problems apart from the grace of God. Let me ask you this: If what I am sharing in my 60’s is so transparent and clear, why are Christian psychologists’ and psychiatrists’ calendars filled weeks in advance? Why is the counseling load in most churches the single heaviest demand on the pastoral staff? And, more pointedly, why are men and women of God leaving the ministry in frightening numbers due to personal, moral, family, and spiritual problems of one sort or the other? I don’t think we understand the New Testament principles of living by grace, not by works, as well as we think we do. I say again—it never occurred to me until months into my own struggle that my lack of selfcontrol in eating, and the harm it was causing in precious relationships, had anything to do with the grace of God. I just thought I ate too much and needed to stop! And, if I may be so bold, I would humbly suggest that there may be issues in your life which you are trying to resolve apart from the grace of God as well. My prayer is that my experience, and the principles below, will give you new impetus for trusting God—and God alone—to do what you can never do in your own strength.

1. Identify your problem areas. (1 Peter 5:7) Honesty is step one. If there are problems or addictions you are being defeated by, call them what God calls them and write them down. No one else needs to know about this except you and God. Begin a written record of what God does as you begin this adventure into grace with Him. 2. Admit your inadequacy. (James 4:6-8) A little bit of humility goes a long way with God. It is to the humble that He gives grace. So simply admit that you, like Paul, are at the end of your rope. Confess your failures and tell God you need Him, that you cannot save yourself. 3. Cry out to God. (Psalm 50:15) Though I had not cried out to the Lord about my overeating, I had about other things. I began to spend time daily calling on the Lord to save me from the mess I was in. If we have not because we ask not, then we need to ask! 4. Believe that God will rescue you. (Ephesians 2:4-5) Once I began crying out to the Lord, new faith welled up within me. I knew God was going to deliver me! I didn’t know how or when, but I knew it was going to happen. The more faith I got, the more I cried out. And the more I cried out, the stronger my faith began. Believe that God wants to make you whole. 5. Be willing to wait as long as it takes. (Psalm 130:5-6) I prayed and waited, and waited, and waited—all the while gaining weight. Finally, several months after I had begun seeking God, my niece happened to give me a book by a Christian doctor on food and nutrition, which I almost discounted. But suddenly, I realized God was answering my prayer. That book became a gateway for me into a whole new realm of healthy living and loving. Why did that happen when it did? I don’t know—but I know God knows. My job was to wait as long as it took, which I did. 6. Expect God to give you a breakthrough. (Ephesians 3:20-21) I remember praying, “God, if there is someone you want me to talk to, something you want me to read, something you want to show me—I’m available. I’m looking for your provision.” As I said, my pride at my young niece being the first person God used to help me almost caused me to stumble. Live with your spiritual eyes wide open, ready to receive God’s grace. 7. Pray faithfully and persistently. (Luke 11:10) Our problem is that we give up too soon, too often. If we believe God is going to deliver us, but it hasn’t happened yet, we are to keep praying. We are to pray persistently (until we get what we need) and faithfully (believing God is going to answer). While God began answering my prayers for His help a few months after I began praying, this whole adventure lasted a couple of years—and it is still unfolding. The problem, learning to seek God, working through a multiplicity of resources He provided, discovering all the ways that food and relationships are intertwined with one another, writing a book and doing a video series on the subject—it’s been the most revealing, stretching, and fruitful work I’ve ever done in ministry.

Just as Alexander Solzhenitsyn said, “Thank you, prison, for being in my life,” because of what he learned while in the Russian gulag, so I can say, “Thank you, food!” I feel I’ve just sampled the appetizer of God’s grace, and the main course is just unfolding before me. I pray you will join me at the table of His grace to receive all that He has for those who will, in simple faith, trust in Him for their every need. What do you have to lose—except the things that so easily entangle you as to try to get rid of them in your own strength?

*The book is Food and Love (Tyndale House Publishers, 2001); the video series by the same name is available from the Smalley Relationship Center, Branson, Missouri.

Moving Beyond Your Limits 1. To what degree do you keep your problems to yourself because of your position as a pastor? How widespread in the church at large is the idea that pastors “have it all together?” 2. Cite an instance in which you have gone to your board or other leaders and admitted to, or asked for help with, a personal challenge or problem? What was their response? What are the positive benefits of a pastor/leader being open about personal struggles? 3. How would you assess your own physical health? How often do you get a physical? How often do you exercise? How much attention do you pay to your diet and weight? What resources does your church offer its members on being a good steward of physical health? 4. How do you reconcile the tension between “I can do all things through Christ” and the number of problems Christians have? What is missing in the church that would narrow the gap between theory and practice? 5. In your counseling ministry, how do you find the balance between “work out your own salvation” and “God at work in you?” Which are Christians most guilty of—trying to do too much in their own strength or not holding up their responsibility while waiting on God? Where’s the balance? 6. How do you view Romans 7—as Paul’s Christian, or pre-Christian, experience? In your understanding, how is Christ the only solution to the demands of the Law? What is the role of the law of God in the Christian’s life?

7. Are there struggles in your own life in which you feel trapped or defeated at present? What are you doing about them? In what way has this chapter given you fresh insight on approaching the problem(s)? 8. How have you, like Smalley, experienced God’s miraculous provision in an area unrelated to your current challenges? To what degree do you think God could work a similar miracle in your life now as He has done in the past? How persistently have you pursued such deliverance from Him? 9. Evaluate Smalley’s statement, “I don’t think we understand the New Testament principles of living by grace . . . as well as we think we do.” What evidence can you cite to support your answer? 10. How realistic are Smalley’s seven principles for pursuing God’s provision for you? What keeps you from implementing them today regarding a personal challenge or problem area?