Psychotherapy - American Psychological Association

Psychotherapy

Volume 28/Winter 1991/Number 4

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LANGUAGE IN MIGRATION: SEPARATION INDIVIDUATION CONFLICTS IN RELATION TO THE MOTHER TONGUE AND THE NEW LANGUAGE JULIA MIRSKY The Hebrew University This article views the loss of the mother tongue and the acquisition of a second language in the context of separation individuation processes. It is suggested that an internal loss accompanies the loss of the mother tongue in immigration and that it triggers separation individuation processes. Difficulties in mastering the new language may stem from unresolved intrapsychic conflicts which surface in immigration and are further burdened by interpersonal and socio-cultural conflicts in the immigrant family. One point that the immigrant feels so particularly painfully . . . is . . . the loss of the language in which one had lived and which one will never be able to replace with another. . . . S. Freud in a letter from London (Gay, 1988)

Immigration is accompanied by a deep sense of loss. One loses one's homeland, family, friends, culture and language which occupied not only one's everyday life, but more importantly, one's self-identity and the internal representations of one's objects. The psychological meaning of the loss of the native tongue and immigrants' reactions to the new language are the focus of this article. Most immigrants encounter difficulties in mastering the new language. Individual talents, the age of immigration and the degree of similarity between the native tongue and the new language certainly influence the learning process, but emoI wish to express my gratitude to Johanna Gottesfeld for contributing the material on Indian Jews, for her valuable comments and, above all, for her unfailing support throughout the work on this article. Correspondence regarding this article should be addressed to Julia Mirsky, 18 Negba Street, Jerusalem 93226, Israel.

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tional factors must be also considered. In an early paper Stengel (1939) claimed that people have a natural resistance to a new language and listed some irrational components of this resistance: the hope that their language is spoken everywhere; the hope that they may convert others to their own language; feelings of contempt for the new language; a belief that the native language is the best, that it is the only one capable of expressing adequately the variety of life and the truth, while the new language is perceived as "poor, primitive and false." The acquisition of speech and language is a major axis in the psychological development and maturation in childhood. It takes place within the context of the mother-child diad. The language itself bears witness to its origins; the idiom "Mother Tongue" exists in many languages, while the father is more often associated with "Fatherland." The process of learning the verbal expression of emotional sensimotor configurations can occur only in interaction with a loved and trusted object. A new language may become emotionally meaningful only if the child had previously acquired emotional sensimotor language, and transfers this achievement from the mother tongue to a second language (Basch-Kahre, 1984). Spitz (1958) who had studied the identification processes that lead to the acquisition of language, writes: "The first word of the child, like "Mama" expresses according to the situation, I hurt; or in another situation, I am glad to see, or I am pleased, or I am hungry, I am uncomfortable, etc." Anzieu (1976) suggests that the mother's voice provides a "sonorous wrapping" which surrounds the child from the beginning of life just like the skin and keeps his inside intact. Racker (1952) points out the "unity in multiplicity" quality of music and speech which connects and unifies disparate elements. He suggests that this quality may


Language in Migration serve as a defence and as a means to overcome depression caused by the experience of loosing the mother's protection (i.e., the womb). Similarly, as the child feels disintegration when he thinks he has attacked and lost his mother, the music of mother's voice, may make him feel reunited with himself and with his mother. In several fascinating clinical vignettes Krapf (1955) demonstrates the close connection between the mother tongue and the mother-child relationships. In one case a long stalemate in therapy was overcome when the analyst switched to the patient's second language—her native language in which the analysis had started, had represented for the patient her intrusive and overprotective mother and had evoked resistance. Another patient insisted on using his second language in analysis and in daily life. He was in denial of his original inferior ego identity which was associated with the mother tongue. In yet another analysis conducted in the patient's mother tongue, the patient invariably switched to his second language every time sexual matters came up and it was understood that he was experiencing the analyst as his mother, who would punish him for talking about sex. Krapf s conclusion is that in a polyglot analysis the patient's choice of language reflects his efforts to avoid anxiety and find a feeling of security. Equally based on clinical material Buxbaum (1949) focuses on the defensive function of the second language. The mother tongue is associated with more primitive impulses and wishes and a new language offers an opportunity to build a new defensive system against past infantile life. By successfully aiding the defences against old infantile impulses, it may help to create new values and new ego images and offer an opportunity for establishing a new self-portrait. The oedipal and pre-oedipal loading of mother tongue may be combined and mutually reinforcing in the passage from the diadic to the triadic relationships. At this stage the child may feel excluded from the intimacy between his parents because he does not understand what the grownups are saying. He feels loneliness and isolation and the secret language of the parents may become the object of his jealousy, hate and passionate desire. Grinberg and Grinberg (1989) suggest that when the immigrant loses his language and is unable to understand the secret language of his new environment. This early experience is reevoked and difficulties in the acquisition of a new language are derived from the intensity of the original dis-

appointment. Melanie Klein (1932) also believed that early disturbances of the child's desire to know and understand things cause the hatred felt for people who speak another language and the difficulties experienced in learning a foreign language. However, being true to herself, Ms. Klein (races these disturbances back to the earliest stages of infancy. However intense, negative experiences are far from universal in childhood, yet the loss of mother and the acquisition of a new language present a problem for most immigrants. Therefore, a wider explanation is needed. It is suggested here that the acquisition of language and speech, in early development as well as in immigration, be viewed in the context of separation-individuation processes and conflicts (Mahler etal., 1975). Verbal communication begins with the onset of the third subphase of separation individuation, the rapprochement phase (Mahler et al., 1975). In the beginning of rapprochement the mother turns from just a home base into a person with whom the toddler wishes to share his ever-widening discoveries of the world and he uses words to indicate to her this wish. The use of language is one of the pleasurable discoveries of beginning autonomy which accompanies the child's first awareness of separateness. He discovers that through language he can ask to have his wish fulfilled, call mother and command her attention, exclaim his delight, etc. Language also aids the child in mastering his feelings about separation. In one of the many cases presented by Mahler et al. a 3-year-old toddler who had difficulties in separating from his mother often played a game where he took the part of the one leaving, closing the door behind himself and saying "I'll be back" (p. 181). The personal pronoun "I" as well as the word "No" play a crucial role in the development of the sense of identity. The development of language during rapprochement provides the child with a greater sense of ability to control his environment. This allows for growing individuation and makes it possible for the child to find the optimal distance, nearby yet separate from the mother, which offers stimulation, the opportunity to exercise autonomy and growing pleasure in social interaction. Verbal ability develops rapidly during the fourth subphase of separation individuation and slowly replaces other modes of communication. By contributing to the establishment of mental representations of the self as distinctly separate from the represen-

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Julia Mirsky tations of the object, language plays a major role in paving the way to self-identity formation (Mahler etal., 1975). Therefore, the loss of mother tongue in immigration is accompanied by a deep sense of loss of self-identity and of internal objects. Learning a new language involves an internalization of new object and self-representations and reactivates the internal process of separation. It is common in immigration that the homeland and the new country become the objects of intense ambivalent emotions. These are often expressed in a split off form, whereas the homeland is experienced as "all bad" while the new country is "all good" and vice versa. It was suggested in earlier publications (Mirsky & Kaushinsky, 1988, 1989) that in immigration the conflict between dependency and autonomy needs is reactivated and that it can be observed most clearly in adolescent immigrants for whom the homeland and the new country stand almost directly for their parents. Immigration becomes possible only when the splitting mechanism is applied and the regressive pull towards dependency is denied. But, as the conflict remains unresolved, it reemerges some time after time after immigration and the love and anger must be worked through and integrated before whole and realistic representations of both countries (and of the original love objects) can be established. It is not often, however, that the mother tongue and the new language become the objects of ambivalence. Stangel's (1939) description is rather more accurate: most adult immigrants meet the new language with nonambivalent resistance and remain faithful to their mother tongue. All it takes is to hear the variety of accents among the residents of New York, Paris or London to become convinced in the universality of this attitude. The degree of mastery in the new language is, indeed as Stangel suggests, a compromise between this equivocal resistance and the demands of the reality. As language has no geographical boundaries, loyalty to one's mother tongue does not interfere with the decision to immigrate. On the psychodynamic level, while attachment to one's homeland represents the regressive pull which conflicts with the autonomous needs, the attachment to one's mother tongue may be free of conflict since by it's nature and development language does not counteract, but serves the need for autonomy. Greenson (1978) suggests that speech is a means

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of retaining the connection with the mother as well as separating from her: the child introjects a new "liquid" of the mother—sound, but this "liquid" is incorporated actively and contributes to die child's autonomy. Therefore a passive attachment to the mother by introjecting the milk turns into active identification with the mother through the language. Children typically learn a new language more easily than adults since, being in the process of formation of their identity, they are more receptive to imitation and identification. For them, a second language is a new method of play (practicing) and gives them pleasure. They are not afraid to make mistakes, to invent words or say nonsense. They often refuse to use their mother tongue in public and sometimes repress it altogether because of their intense desire not to be different from other children. Often in immigration, conflicts arise between parents and children because the parents feel surpassed and criticised by their children and the children are ashamed of their parents' lack of fluency in the new language (Basch-Kahre, 1984; Grinberg & Grinberg, 1989; Stengel, 1939). But, these seemingly socially determined conflicts have deeper roots. For a young child who is learning to speak, the mother tongue is not French, English or Japanese, it is simply the language his mother speaks. When mediated by the mother, a second language offers to the child new intellectual and social stimulation and a new field for practicing his autonomy. But when the mother cannot supply emotional support to her child's explorations in the new language—due to her own resistance, her loyalty to her mother tongue, or other personality factors—the child is faced with a conflict between his drive to experiment with and exercise his autonomy and the need to secure his bond with the mother. The manifestations of this conflict may range from a "flight" into the new language on the one extreme to disturbances in the acquisition of the new language on the other. The case that follows will attempt to illustrate how such conflict with a narcissistic coloring is reflected in a speech disturbance in the new language. Case Presentation The patient has immigrated to Israel from India and as the cultural context is central for understanding this case a brief background on Indian Jews follows.


Language in Migration Cultural Background: Indian Jews are a very small cultural group and most of them, 24,000, immigrated to Israel in the 1950s. In India they were divided into subgroups in a manner reminiscent of the cast system prevalent in India, which ensured that traditions were transmitted from generation to generation and customs remained intact without any assimilation. The division was based mainly on the color of skin— light skinned and dark skinned—considered to be indicative of the descent (Kushner, 1975; Mandelbaum, 1975; Tinker, 1971; Weil, 1977a). The only Jewish community not to suffer antisemitism, Indian Jews experienced discrimination in Israel because of their "Indian-ness"; they were looked on as black and encountered racial discrimination. Their Jewishness was questioned and was recognized by the Rabbinate in Israel only after much struggle (Tinker, 1971). In the literature authors concur and describe Indian Jews as quiet, passive, reserved, reticent, tight-lipped and impenetrable. They are frugal and hardworking, tend to close themselves off socially and have little contact with their environment. Many Indian Jews have a surprisingly poor capacity to learn Hebrew. Their children are quiet and orderly, never cheeky and never answer back. They also never admit what is worrying them and as a result the learning process may be often impeded. Aggression and emotional outbursts are generally discouraged and emotional control is valued above all. They tend to internalize anger and as a result there is little spontaneity, little motor expression, and little emotional release. They rely on the power of fate rather than on active intervention and seem to have a knack for divorcing themselves from reality. They may simply ignore unpleasant events or adopt "satyagraha"— Gandhi's passive resistance (Eisenbaum, 1977; Mandelbaum, 1975; Tinker, 1971; Weil, 1977a; Weil, Personal Background Betty, a lovely, petite, dark-skinned 21-year-old woman, applied for therapy when she was a first-year student at a Teachers College. In the intake interview she presented one central and urgent problem: she was having considerable difficulties in speaking to people, particularly in class. Whenever she was expected or wanted to speak, she began stammering, stuttering, lost her voice and choked. Psychotherapy was suggested by her supervisor as the last resort before her studies were discontinued and being desperate, Betty was willing to try anything.

The fourth, among five children, she was born in India and immigrated to Israel with her family at age 4. Betty's description of her family and herself conforms to the typical profile of her cultural group. Her family was described as "warm and protective" although "there is not much talking at home." Betty's speech problems began when she entered the nursery school and started speaking Hebrew—she had no speech problems when speaking her mother tongue. Betty described herself as a "good girl": obedient, doing well at school, helping her mother about the house. She had very few relationships outside the family: "The outside world always seemed frightening to me. I was afraid to get hurt. Home was always much safer." Nevertheless, at age 18 she decided to enlist into the army although she could have been exempted on religious grounds: "I decided to take a risk. It was a good experience and I became more confident as a result." After completing her military service Betty entered a Teachers College, was living with her parents, had a steady boyfriend and made some friends among her schoolmates. Apart from her specific problem she was satisfied with her life. Since the intaker's impression was that her overall functioning was indeed normative, she was referred for treatcment to a short-term therapy program.

In Psychotherapy The material uncovered in the course of Betty's psychotherapy is presented very concisely and includes some extracts that highlight her symptom and her underlying conflicts. Quite anxious at the start, Betty stammered a little but soon relaxed and her speech became fluent. The analysis of her symptom revealed an underlying anxiety, inhibited aggression and a conflict over the wish to succeed and to excell. She was very cooperative in a rather complying and polite manner, treating me as an authority figure, which made it very difficult to know what she really felt. From the second session and thereafter Betty invariably opened the sessions by reporting to me on a "home assignment" which she took on her own initiative. The assignments consisted of trying to speak spontaneously "without thinking and formulating in advance," of concentrating on her voice, or of trying to ask a question, etc. They also brought up rich material from her past. Thus her attempts to speak in class revealed a fantasy that: "The teacher expected me to succeed and it helped" but her fellow classmates were: "waiting for me to fail and make a fool of myself so that they can laugh at me andridiculeme." And memories: "In elementary school I was different from the other girls (it was a religious girls' school), was a better student, always prepared my homework and knew the answers. I wanted very much to be friends with them but they would not have me. Once I overheard a conversation between two girls who were talking about me being always the best and they referred to me as "that nigger." In high school she began very well, but later deteriorated and became an average student. When I suggested that this could have been due to her previous experience, it made sense to her: "Yes, I thought that if I did well they would not accept me. I could have done better and it hurt me to disappoint my parents, but I wanted to belong." Her report on several current experiences of loosing control of her voice brought up a scene from childhood: she was very angry with her mother and wanted to shout at her, but could

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Julia Mirsky not as tears choked her throat. Her voice trembled and she could not control it. Another memory followed: "There is never anger at home, but we did use to fight, my brothers and sisters and me, when we were small. We were fighting when we played, over toys. Mother could not stand it and was angry with us. Irememberher bursting out several times, losing control, shouting and even hitting one of us. I was very frightened and hurt when she hit me." In one session Betty talked about her fear to talk to her peers: "I was afraid of other children. Children make fun of one and express what they feel without a second thought, they can be very cruel. I was always tactful, watched my mouth. I never had a best friend because I didn't trust the girls to keep a secret." Then she went on telling me one secret: "When I was 13 my older sister was feeling not so well after giving birth (apparently the sister had suffered a Post Partum Depression) and was seeing a therapist. It was kept secret in my family and I used to be afraid that it might escape my mouth and everybody would know that my sister is a loony and would ridicule me." The following session Betty opened by saying: "It is difficult for me to speak while you are looking at me" and when I referred back to the conflict we touched upon in the previous session she said: "I know that you will not laugh or hurt me, but it's important what you think of me. It's not only secrets, I don't want to sound stupid and empty headed." An association followed: "Once, during class, I said something to the girl who was sitting next to me and the teacher approached and slapped me on the face." I verbalized the sense of humiliation she must have felt. "Yes, but he was a new teacher and didn't know me, didn't know I never chatter during class." I connected this incident to the outbursts of her mother and suggested that it may have confirmed her previous belief that even a single slip was very dangerous. Betty recalled now how she used to dress for school and how important it was that her skirt be precisely the right length and absolutely spotless: "One little spot could ruin everything." And she was able to work this through in the following session: "In the beginning of this week everything was fine. Then in my supervisor's class I again stammered and choked and felt everybody was laughing at me. It made me feel horrible for the rest of the week. It's just like we said in the last session: one small thing spoils everything for me." As it turned out, the incident had to do with Betty's relationships with her supervisor: "She still treats me as a special case and encourages me to speak. But it doesn't help any longer, it only makes me feel self conscious. She doesn't know I have been taking care of my problem." Betty preferred ignoring or adjusting to this attitude rather than talking to her supervisor. When confronted with this choice she related a very early memory: "I was 4 when we came to Israel and went to a nursery school. I was excited and also frightened because everything was so new to me. In school everybody spoke Hebrew and I learned the language very quickly and easily. But my mother did not speak Hebrew well, she doesn't speak it well even now. When I wanted to tell her all about the nursery school and about my experiences she would not understand. I was very close to her in India, I was the smallest there—my youngest brother was bora only in Israel, when I was seven." Here I was able to make an integrative interpretation and connect Betty's speech problems as well as her conflict over success, to this very early dilemma. Betty now looked back on all the instances when she chose to give up her desires and needs (to go out, to speak, to get close to people, etc.)

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to avoid the loss of her mother. "Succeeding outside meant losing my mother then, but it is no longer true now." The same core conflict came up in the transference in connection with termination. Betty ignored myremindersof termination and did not refer to the fact even when our last session began. She was upset and disappointed because her speech problems had recurred during the past week. When I suggested that this "failure" may have to do with termination she was surprised—"Do you mean that it is like with my mother?" Now she could touch upon her feelings about termination. She was apprehensive about having to cope on her own but was also curious and excited to put to test her independent powers. Betty was sad that therapy was over, having enjoyed our session and learned many things. She felt close to me since she told me things she never told anyone before and she was going to miss me. When I saw Betty two months later, she looked happy and was much more spontaneous. She had encountered some difficulties in speech, but was able to overcome them. "Little things still spoil everything for me, but only for a short while," she said jokingly. She felt she had changed "not only in relation to speech."

Discussion Separation individuation is regarded here as an open ended lifelong process of psychological growth. It is suggested that this is the underlying process in immigration and in the acquisition of a new language regardless of the age at which immigration occurs. The specific nature of the process and the particular area of disturbance in every individual case are determined by the developmental phase in the course of immigration by previous developmental achievements and set backs, by the nature and amount of the current emotional support the immigrant receives and by cultural and environmental factors. In what follows these determinants will be discussed. Betty's immigration occurred in the course of the original separation individuation process and it initiated her first actual separation from her mother as upon arrival in Israel she entered the nursery school. It was a belated separation after a prolonged dependency period in a cultural atmosphere which discouraged autonomy and individuation. In nursery school Betty was exposed to a totally strange environment with which she was unable to communicate and in which she was "different." The regression in the level of libidinal object constancy which occurs in normal children when they enter the nursery school (Mahler et al., 1975), must have been intensified in Betty's case as was her need for the mother. In recapitulating the practicing subphase in the nursery school Betty's most important task was mastering a new language. Her enthusiasm and


Language in Migration ability to learn the language indicates normal developmental achievements up to the practicing stage: a desire for and pleasure in practicing, a need to distance herself from the mother and a normal social drive. But the mother's anxious attitude towards the external world deprived Betty of the emotional security she needed in order to turn her explorations into growth-enhancing experiences. Instead, it pulled her back into dependency and gave rise to an intense conflict. As the mother's inability to supply the emotional security materialized in her inability to understand Hebrew, "the external world language," the new language grew to signify for Betty the loss of her love object and became the seat of her conflict over autonomy. However, her symptom reflected a disturbance not in the acquisition of the language, but in the performance (i.e., speech). The lack of maternal support which during the practicing subphase also confirms the child's healthy narcissism and softens the blows to his omnipotence which are inevitable as the child reaches the limits of his abilities, obstructed the normal development of Betty's narcissism and resulted in narcissistic vulnerability. In secret she held on to grandiose fantasies of success and at the same time was tormented by doubts, feelings of worthlessness and visions of public sneer and humiliation; both paralyzing her performance in many activities and expressions which could be witnessed and reacted to by others. During the stage of latency, when the drive for and the pleasure in practicing and mastery are relatively less conflictual as the parents are still the main love objects, Betty could meet some of the stage-appropriate developmental tasks. But in adolescence which is characterized by a second peak in the separation individuation process (Bios, 1975), the unresolved conflict reemerged. Betty's insistence on enlisting into the army (acting not only against her parents opinions and religious beliefs and in conflict with her whole upbringing, but mainly contrary to her own dependency needs) was an indication of considerable ego strength. But this act in itself did not suffice to bring about the resolution of the core conflict. In the face of the subsequent developmental task of acquiring an adult identity and a profession, the conflict became intensified and the symptom threatened to thwart her growth. Betty's case contradicts the general assumption that immigration is less traumatic for small children than for adults. Children's attachments do lie mainly within the family and they may be spared

the direct experience of loss of their homeland and native tongue if the family acts as a "shock absorber" to them. However, many immigrant parents troubled by their own emotional reactions to immigration and by realistic problems may fail to perform this function. Immigrant mothers often fail to create a sense of trust in their children since having been uprooted from their secure and familiar environment, their own sense of personal confidence is in crisis (Erikson 1959). Being in a state of dependency, children can experience the feelings of their relatives through identification and the loss in migration may become, for them, equivalent to the loss of the mother (Grinberg & Grinberg, 1989). Betty's family went through a transition from a conservative and orderly society to a rather chaotic one typical to Israel which, in addition, was initially unaccepting. The loss and the frustrations immigrants encounter in the new country often push them to temporarily withdraw and reject the new culture and cling to the past; to fellow immigrants from their homeland, to past traditions, language, etc. (Mirsky & Kaushinsky, 1989). Such transitional reactions appear to become a permanent coping style among Indian Jews in Israel who cling to their culture and tradition, have little contact with the Israeli society and have a surprisingly poor capacity to learn Hebrew (see Cultural Background). This may have to do with their traditional way of coping (by withdrawing from the reality and denying it) as well as with the large gap between the two (Indian and Israeli) cultures— a gap too great and threatening to allow for flexibility and integration. Therefore, although tightly knit, supportive and warm, Betty's family failed to facilitate her growth as an individual and as an Israeli. In summary, it is suggested that Betty's conflict over autonomy was intensified by the circumstances of her immigration. Immigration which took place in the course of a developmental phase in which this conflict was central and disrupted the previously achieved resolution and psychological equilibrium. The real life transition from full dependency to full autonomy, not accompanied by a change in the maternal attitude—the mother continued to discourage autonomy and gave little support to her efforts to master the new environment—put an additional burden on the already acute conflict. The maternal attitude was to a large extent culture-specific. Although cross-cultural aspects of immigration are beyond the scope of this paper,

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Julia Mirsky it should be noted that this case supports the notion found in many sociological studies that the greater the gap between the homeland and the host cultures the more problematic is the adjustment of immigrants. It can be assumed that Betty's conflict over autonomy could have been less acute and differently resolved if she were to remain within her homeland cultural context where congruence existed between child-rearing practices and attitudes and between the societal expectations and values. The specific nature of Betty's symptom was naturally overdetermined and in the course of therapy it was possible to identify some of it's developmental determinants. Her immigration occurred in the course of a phase when the mastery of language and speech is one of the central developmental tasks and mediates the process of establishing an optimal distance with the mother. Therefore language could focus her conflict over autonomy. The fact that the conflict was reflected in performance, not in acquisition, may be attributed to the disturbed narcissistic balance which is also formed at this phase and is determined to a large extent by the maternal attitude. At the phase of adolescence, when the issues of autonomy and narcissism are reawakened, the conflict was intensified to the point of bringing Betty to therapy. When immigration occurs in the course of a different developmental phase, other issues may become intensified. When one immigrates in adulthood immigration reawakens the conflicts that have remained unresolved in the early process of separation individuation. These conflicts may become intensified to the degree of psychopathology and psychotherapeutic intervention is then called for (Mirsky, 1990). However, like any major life change, immigration is not necessarily traumatic and to many immigrants it offers an extra opportunity to work through their early conflicts and complete their personal growth (Mirsky & Kaushinsky, 1988, 1989). References ANZIEU, D. (1976). Narcisco. La evolta sonora del si mismo. (Narcisus. The sonorous wrapping of the self) Nouvelle revue de psychonalyse, 13.

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