Off the top of your head, what does the Bible teach us about marriage? How is
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FSM/NES :: Relationships :: Lesson 3
Relationships :: Dating and Marriage Now that we’ve looked at two kinds of relationships that the Bible has a ton to say about (God’s relationships within himself which is the trinity, and our personal relationships with God) Answer the following question: List any and all Bible verses or Biblical ideas that have any connection with dating that you can think of. If you came up with zero verses, that’s okay. The Bible actually never addresses the subject of dating directly. But why is that? Well, because dating did not exist in ancient Israel or Rome. However, the Bible does have a lot to say about marriage relationships, and we can learn a lot about dating from what it says about marriage. So, if you put down some marriage or relationship verses, good job. If we want to figure out God’s heart for dating, we have to start with His heart for marriage and work backwards. Answer the following questions:
Off the top of your head, what does the Bible teach us about marriage?
How is the Bible’s view of marriage different from our culture’s view of it? What are some examples of how our culture (as seen in our movies, books, tv, etc.) thinks of marriage?
Maybe the most important thing we can know about marriage is that it is intended to be a picture of God’s relationship with Christians, His church. God makes a covenant with Christians through the blood of Jesus (Matthew 26:26-‐28). A covenant, in this sense, is an unbreakable promise between God and His people. Marriage is intended to be a covenant between two people—an unbreakable promise. The marriage covenant between a Christian man and a Christian woman is supposed to be a picture of the gospel and of our relationship with God to the rest of the world (Ephesians 5:22-‐33). Because of this, marriage is one of the most important, beautiful, spiritual things in the entire world! And in the security of this special, unbreakable covenant relationship between two people, God gives the joys of lifelong friendship, the sharing of life, deep emotional intimacy, sex, and having/raising children, among other incredible blessings.
FSM/NES :: Relationships :: Lesson 3 Answer the following questions: Why do you think God designed for deep emotional intimacy, sex, and raising children to happen only within a marriage covenant relationship? Based on what you have seen in life, what generally happens when people have sex, children, and deep emotional connections with people they are not married to? What happens when those two people break up? A lot of people think that marriage exists to make them happy. They think that finding a husband or a wife will somehow “complete” them. Yet, what people find when they get married is that they are still “incomplete”—sinful and in deep need of Jesus, and that marriage is not the key to instant happiness (remember, we already said that the purpose of marriage is to represent the covenant relationship between Jesus and the church, it is not just to make you happy). And what happens when someone, who thinks marriage is supposed to give them ultimate happiness, finds out that there are hard, difficult, and frustrating days in marriage? Usually, they quit. Usually, they think that they must have married “the wrong person” and go looking for the next person that really will make them happy. They have completely failed to understand marriage. Jesus stays faithful to us even when we sin over and over and over, even when we were responsible for his death on the cross, even when we go chasing other things instead of him—this is how Christians should treat marriage! So now the question is, “what does any of this have to do with dating?” Well, in the 21st century in America, the way people generally find their marriage partner is by dating. For the Christian, dating should be seen not as just a way to have fun, something to fill time with, or a way to fit in with everyone else. For the Christian, dating should be the way we find out what type of person we want to marry, and eventually, the very person we will marry. Answer the following questions: If dating should be for the purpose of finding your future husband or wife, how should that influence the way you act in your dating relationships? Should you date someone that you don’t think you could marry one day? What kind of characteristics should you be looking for in the people you look to date (and look to marry)? For example, what kind of relationship with Christ
FSM/NES :: Relationships :: Lesson 3 should they have, what standards for purity should they have, how should they treat you, how should they treat your friends, etc.? One danger a lot of people, including Christians, run into is treating dating like a mini-‐marriage. Just because we are looking for our future marriage partners doesn’t mean we should treat our boyfriends/girlfriends like marriage partners. In fact, it means we should be even more protective with our hearts, our physical boundaries, and our habits. Because we know that God designed marriage to be the place where we experience deep emotional connections, sexual intimacy, etc., we should be especially careful to save all of these things for our future spouses only—no one else should get to take those things from us—nor should we take them from anyone else. When we experience these things with our boyfriends or girlfriends and break up, we are not practicing for marriage…we are practicing for divorce. Answer the following questions: Why is it important to protect your heart/mind/body from going too far with a boyfriend or girlfriend? What are some things that we should save for marriage? If you had to give your little brother or sister (pretend you have one even if you don’t) advice about how to date in a way that honors God, what would you say? This is a quick look at dating and how it relates to marriage. Next week we will look at dating specifically in junior high and high school. Next week, let’s come ready to be open and honest about your experiences with dating, with any questions you might have, or with any wisdom you’ve got from things you’ve seen in your own life or in your friends. Take some time to pray for your future husband or wife. Pray that God would be protecting them right now from giving away too much of themselves to someone who is not their spouse. Pray that God would protect you in the same way. Pray that God would bless your future marriage and make joyful, full of love, and a beautiful picture of Jesus and his relationship with us.
