Teachers Grieve! What Can We Do for Our Colleagues and Ourselves When a Student Dies?
TEACHING Exceptional Children, Vol. 37, No. 4, pp. 48-51. Copyright 2005 CEC.
Leslie J. Munson • Nancy Hunt
As the first child on a respirator to be discharged from a major medical facility, Ethan made medical history in his local area. More importantly, his parents took their first born home for the very first time. For Karen and Steven, what began as a journey to the hospital for the birth of their first child became a journey that no parent anticipates. After 5 months of struggling to breathe, Ethan received a tracheostomy and was placed on a ventilator. During the next 2 months of his hospitalization, his parents were taught how to perform the medical procedures to support him. Then, he was discharged to his home in the care of his parents and a home care nurse who visited twice weekly. Karen and Steven were elated to have their son home. Ethan did many things. He communicated with his sparkling eyes and smile. His smile could light a room and bring a return smile from any observer. Those sparkling eyes were his channel of communication since Ethan breathed with the help of a ventilator. He moved his arms and legs when someone spoke to him, but he could not use those limbs to roll or crawl or sit independently. My first visit with Ethan occurred when he was 9 months old. He was having difficulty with feeding and swallowing. From that time until his death at 15 1/2 months, I provided weekly home-based developmental services to Ethan. I became part of the team that, in addition to his parents, grandparents, and family pets, included a physical therapist and a nurse. During that time, there were celebrations for Ethan. First, he received longer hoses for the ventilator that allowed him 48
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to be carried from his bedroom to other parts of his home. What a day of celebration when he received a portable ventilator! Finally, he could leave his house. What joy came from going outside in his red wagon or a trip to grandma’s house! One Friday afternoon, when I returned to my office from home visits, my colleagues informed me of Ethan’s death. The death of a child was not within my bounds of comprehension. Nothing in my work or educational experience prepared me for experiencing the death of a child with whom I was working. All my hospice training was related to the death of adults, not a child who was just beginning life. What was I supposed to do? How could I help Ethan’s parents when I myself was grieving his death? How could I help myself? With the advances in life-saving and life-extending technology, teachers in special education are encountering more children with life-threatening conditions (Batshaw, 2002). School personnel may provide services to students who have a Do Not Resuscitate Order (Ashby, 1998). While the possibility of death exists, the death of a child is not within the normal range of expectations or training for special education personnel (Stepanek & Newcomb, 1996). Teachers Experience Death A survey of 189 teachers of students with significant impairments indicated that 70% had experienced the death of at least one student (Smith, Alberto, Briggs, & Heller, 1991). In a similar survey of early intervention/early childhood special education professionals, Bohling and Keiser (1997) found that 59% of 69 professionals surveyed expe-
rienced the death of at least one student. One of the professionals who responded to the survey indicated experiencing the deaths of 20 children. Cooper, Foulger, Willis, and Munson (2003) interviewed six teachers (i.e., three special educators and three general educators). Those six teachers together experienced the deaths of 20 students. Although much is written about supporting children and families when a child dies, a search of the nursing, medical, psychological, counseling, and educational literature reveals few guidelines for professionals who are supporting colleagues or themselves. When educators experience the death of a student, they must not only cope with their own grief and its accompanying reactions (e.g., anger, guilt, frustration; Small, 1991), but also support the family of the student and other students who may not fully understand the implications of death. The students only know that a friend is missing. In addition, educators may find themselves providing support to siblings as well as their own colleagues. In some situations, teachers may be required to put
With the advances in lifesaving and life-extending technology, teachers in special education are encountering more children with life-threatening conditions.
their own grief on hold while helping others (Rowling, 1995). In this article, we offer suggestions for teachers to help them support their colleagues and themselves when a child dies. Lack of Education and Support Preservice Education
When teachers experience the death of a child, they may not only lack a necessary support system within their schools, but also lack preservice and inservice education related to death and grief. Reid and Dixon (1999) replicated a study by Pratt, Hare, and Wright (1987) and found in both authors’ surveys that although teachers are in the position to experience grief, they may not have the necessary training to deal with their feelings. Pratt et al. (1987) found that the majority of preschool teachers and students preparing to be early childhood educators felt only “minimally to completely unprepared” to deal with death and dying. Smith et al. (1991) reported that 76% of the teachers who responded to their survey had no prior training in grief related to death. Bohling and Keiser (1997) found that only 40% of the respondents in their survey had any education (i.e., preservice or inservice) related to the death of a child. In a survey of early intervention/early childhood special education preservice programs in the western United States, Brownell and Emberland (2000) found 62% of the respondents received only a single lecture about grief as it related to the death of a child. Lack of Support
The school community frequently lacks a formal support system for teachers when there is the death of a student. This lack of a formal system is compounded by the lack of preservice or inservice education about grief and the grieving process. Few schools have a proactive protocol or plan for dealing with a death (Mahon, Goldberg, & Washington, 1999). In the Smith et al. (1991) study of educators who experienced the death of a student, 83% reported no known source of support. Bohling and Keiser (1997) found that
When teachers experience the death of a child, they not only lack a necessary support system within their schools, but also lack preservice and inservice education related to grief.
educators received more support from colleagues than administrators. During a conversation with a colleague, a high school special education teacher reported that a student had died just prior to the beginning of a new school year (Personal communication, S. Willis, April, 2003). The principal informed the faculty of the student’s death during the first faculty meeting of the year. Although teachers were encouraged to send students to the guidance counselor, no plan was announced to provide support to the former teachers of the student. In a similar experience at another school, a teacher reported the formation of a crisis team that would support students and families to cope with the impending death of a teacher. However, the crisis team did not identify a plan to support the teachers who were working with the colleague who was terminally ill. The manager of an early intervention program related her experience following a presentation about supporting colleagues when a child dies. She reported to the first author the resignation of at least one employee after the teacher experienced the death of several children to whom she was providing services. The supervisor indicated that she recognized that because of her lack of knowledge and training about death and grief, she did not have the skills to support the employee or the knowledge to provide resources. Grief Rando (1984) defined grief as “the process of psychological, social, and somatic responses to the perception of loss” (p. 15). Individuals who experi-
ence grief are experiencing a normal, healthy reaction to loss. Grief, as it relates to the death of an individual, is influenced by many factors. Among them are: • The relationship between the grieving person and the individual who died. • The presence of a support system. • Religious, social, ethnic, and cultural background. • The individual’s coping behaviors. • Previous experience with loss, not just loss through death. Physical, social, cognitive, affective, behavioral, and spiritual aspects accompany normal grief (Rando, 1984). Manifestations may include: • Memory lags. • Inability to complete simple tasks (e.g., baking a cake). • Feelings of despair and hopelessness. • Losing track of time. Physical symptoms may include: • Increase or decrease in appetite. • Overwhelming fatigue. • Headaches. • Shortness of breath. • Difficulty sleeping (Jozefowski, 1999). Unfortunately, too many people who are grieving do not give themselves permission or time to grieve (Rando, 1984). Additionally, lack of organizational support when a death occurs can lead to burn out. However, teachers and administrators can develop a plan to provide the necessary support system when a child’s dies.
Teachers and administrators can develop a plan to provide the necessary support system when a child dies.
Develop a Grief Plan First, teachers can support their colleagues and themselves by being proactive prior to a death rather than reactive when a child dies. Teachers, along with administrators and counselors, should
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develop a grief plan that includes procedures to be implemented when a child dies. The plan must include support for teachers as well as support for other students and families. As with other procedures, the grief plan should be reviewed annually and be included in yearly inservice training. A suggested grief plan for administrators and teachers is presented (see box, “Suggested Administrative Grief Plan”). The devel-
oped plan should be individualized for each administrative unit (e.g., school). One part of the grief plan should be resources not only for children and families, but also for the teachers who had contact with the child who died. The resources should be a part of the school’s professional library. A list of suggested resources for teachers is shown (see box, “Resources for Teachers”).
Suggested Administrative Grief Plan
1. Together, teachers and administrators should design a grief plan for responding to faculty and family when a student dies. Teachers should be involved in the plan so that it reflects their preferences and needs. The plan should cover procedures for on-site emergencies and deaths as well as the death of a student at home or in the hospital. 2. Administrators should acknowledge the student’s death and the teacher’s role in the life of the child. Establish a culture of openness to talking about death and grief. 3. Education about grief should be included in inservice presentations. Suggested topics include normal responses to loss, stress and coping strategies, and signs of grieving. Cunningham and Hare (1989) provided suggestions for a teacher inservice program on child grief. The content could be modified for teachers. 4. Programs should acknowledge and respect differences in teacher’s responses to death. Responses may be based on a teacher’s age, experience with loss (not only loss through death), and grief, as well as cultural and religious traditions and beliefs. 5. Teachers should be able to articulate the type of assistance they need during the initial stages of grief as well as during the extended grief process. For example, teachers can support each other when visiting the family. 6. Teachers and administrators should decide if and how they want to remember the student. Possibilities include planting a tree, having an end of the year memorial service for children who have died, and inviting families to such a memorial service.
Resources for Teachers Childs-Gowell, E. (1992). Good grief rituals. Barrytown, NY: Station Hill Press. Compassionate Friends, P.O. Box 3696, Oak Brook, IL, 60522-3696, Phone 630-990-0010. http://www.compassionatefriends.org Conrad, B. (1995). When a child has died. Santa Barbara, CA: Fifthian Press. DeSpelder, L., & Strickland, A. (1999). The last dance: Encountering death and dying. Mountain View, CA: Mayfield. Goldman, L. (2000). Life & loss: A guide to help grieving children. Philadelphia: Accelerated Development. James, J., & Friedman, R. (2001). When children grieve. New York: Harper Collins. Kubler-Ross, E. (1975). On death and dying. Englewood, NJ: Prentice-Hall. Kushner, H. (1981). When bad things happen to good people. New York: Avon. National Hospice Organization, 1901 North Moore Street #901, Arlington, VA 22209, 800658-8898. Tait, P., & Ward, M. (1987). When a student dies: Helping teachers who grieve. Education of the Visually Handicapped, 18, 151-156. Turner, J. (1996). Grief at school: A guide for teachers and counselors. Washington, DC: American Hospice Foundation.
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Supporting Myself Second, teachers need to acknowledge the possibility of the death of a student. They should educate themselves about grief, and its impact and process. Since an individual’s grief reaction is personal and individualized, the knowledge of one’s grief history is important. Individuals should be aware of the possible cumulative effects of repeated losses since grief accompanies not only death but other losses (e.g., divorce, job change) as well. In addition, experiences and culture impact grief history. Thus, the realization of one’s grief history is a tool in coping with a current loss. Also, a teacher needs to acknowledge the connection with and relationship to the student. See additional suggestions in box, “How Can I Support Myself”. Supporting My Colleagues Third, colleagues can provide assistance for the teacher who experienced the death of a student. As each relationship is unique, the grieving process is per-
How Can I Support Myself?
1. Acknowledge that grief is unique for each individual, not defined by progressive stages that occur and then is complete—never to visit again. 2. Be aware of the myths related to grief. 3. Learn the tasks (i.e., understanding, grieving, commemorating, going on) of grief (Goldman, 2000). 4. Be aware of my own losses, not just my experiences with death. Grief does not occur only with death. 5. Develop rituals (e.g., developing a memory book) to say goodbye when a student dies. 6. Ask my colleagues for assistance. 7. Be aware of my signs of stress and my coping strategies. 8. Give myself permission and time to grieve 9. Create a period of rest and renewal.
How Can I Support My Colleagues?
1. Educate myself about grief so I can be available to my colleague. 2. Give my colleague the gift of my presence to listen, to hold, and to support as necessary. 3. Acknowledge that each colleague will require a different approach based on individual needs, and cultural and personal experiences. 4. Offer to assist with tasks. However, do not always wait to be asked for assistance. 5. Accept my colleague’s grief and the visible behaviors without judgment. 6. Do something (e.g., send a card or flower) special and unplanned for the individual. 7. Respect my colleague’s privacy and way of grieving.
sonal and unique. Support from colleagues is critical. The administrative plan for grief should provide suggestions as to how colleagues can support and be supported. See box, “How Can I Support My Colleagues?” which includes suggestions for supporting colleagues. Final Thoughts Teachers are very likely to experience the death of at least one student during their career. In addition, teachers may find themselves supporting a colleague who has experienced such a death. We
hope that the development of a grief plan, such as the one that we have suggested here, will provide the first step in providing support for all involved with the student. With a grief plan in place, teachers can support and be supported by colleagues when there is a death of a student. References Ashby, D. (1998). Does inclusion include the right to die at school? [Electronic version]. The Journal of Cases in Educational Leadership, 1(2) Case 1. Batshaw, M. (Ed.). (2002). Children with disabilities (5th ed.). Baltimore: Brookes. Bohling, V., & Keiser, B. (1997). Death education for personnel in early intervention and early childhood special education. Unpublished master’s project, Portland State University, OR. Brownell, R., & Emberland, D. (2000). Grief education in preservice early intervention/early childhood special education programs. Unpublished master’s project, Portland State University, OR. Cooper, J., Foulger, A., Willis, S., & Munson, L. (2003, April). Teachers who have experienced the death of student. Paper presented at the meeting of the Council for Exceptional Children, Seattle, WA. Cunningham, B., & Hare, J. (1989). Essential elements of a teach in-service program on child bereavement. Elementary School Guidance and Counseling, 23, 175-182. Jozefowski, J. (1999). The phoenix phenomenon: Rising from the ashes of grief. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson. Mahon, M., Goldberg, R., & Washington, S. (1999). Discussing death in the classroom: Beliefs and experiences of educators and education students. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 39, 99-121. Pratt, C., Hare, J., & Wright, C. (1987). Death and death education: Are early childhood educators prepared? Education, 107, 238-243. Rando, T. (1984). Grief, dying, and death: Clinical interventions for caregivers. Champaign, IL: Research Press.
Teachers are very likely to experience the death of at least one student during their career. Reid, J., & Dixon, W. (1999). Teacher attitudes on coping with grief in the public school classroom. Psychology in the Schools, 36, 219-228. Rowling, L. (1995). The disenfranchised grief of teachers. Omega: Journal of Death and Dying, 31, 317-329. Small, M. (1991, November). A guide for bereavement support. Paper presented at the meeting of the Council for Exceptional Children, New Orleans, LA. Smith, M., Alberto, P., Briggs, A., & Heller, K. (1991). Special educator’s need for assistance in dealing with death and dying. DPH Journal, 12, 35-44. Stepanek, J., & Newcomb, S. (1996). Strategies for working with families when a child dies. In Paula J. Beckman (Ed.), Strategies for working with families of young children with disabilities (pp. 191214). Baltimore: Paul Brookes. Leslie J. Munson (CEC OR Federation), Assistant Professor, Graduate School of Education, Department of Special Education and Counselor Education, Portland State University, Oregon. Nancy Hunt (CEC Chapter #538), Professor, School of Education, Division of Special Education, California State University, Los Angeles. Address correspondence to Leslie J. Munson, Department of Special Education and Counselor Education, Portland State University, OR. (e-mail:
[email protected]) TEACHING Exceptional Children, Vol. 37, No. 4, pp. 48-51. Copyright 2005 CEC. WK$118$/
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