Writing test 1, Cambridge ielts 9: Although the importance of a second language
does not grab a deadline as frequently as mother's tongue does, it does not ...
Writing test 1, Cambridge ielts 9: Although the importance of a second language does not grab a deadline as frequently as mother’s tongue does, it does not mean that it is less serious. As a matter of fact, some people are concerned that learning a foreign language at primary schools is handy handier than secondary ones. Despite its sizeable influence, many citizens disagree with this opinion. It is the goal of this article to outline the potential merits and demerits of this policy. People should first recognize that learning a foreign language in early years, though helping to learn language well due to absorbing better, have destructive effects in the long long‐term. The leading reason is that primary school is the time to program the indispensable requirements of life such as learning their native language better as it is the first communicative way in societies. Doing so enables students not only to prepare their brain for following years in terms of communication but also contribute them to learn initial structures of language. As a result, learning of foreign language in early ages of education would create some shortcomings. Understanding the important role of a second language has other implications. People’s quest to contact with other people throughout the world gives them incentives to learn a second language in at early ages of education, because by passing of time the ability of brain to absorb novel knowledge of a second language decreases dramatically. In western nations, for instance, children learn their foreign language at primary school, whereas in other third world countries, do not pay more attention is not paid regarding a second language. Examples of this kind are many. Thereby learning a second language at primary school is productive. In doing so, it will be a stepping stone to communicate with other people easily in the future. As shown from the above discussion, one can conclude that focusing on learning a foreign language at primary school is too narrow an approach and would not have the desired consequences. In my opinion, drawbacks of this policy outnumber its advantages. TR: 8 CC: 6+ LR: 7 GRA: 6+ >>> Overall: 7‐ You need a better flow between your sentences. Also, you need to be more careful with your minor mistakes in structures.
Comment [Afarinesh1]: informal
Comment [Afarinesh2]: you cannot reduce when the subjects are not the same. Comment [Afarinesh3]: what does it mean?
Comment [Afarinesh4]: Lack of Cohesion.
The maps compare significant changes occurred in an island due to the construction of some tourist equipment facilities. As can be seen from the maps, before building plans in the island, there were only some tress and a beach, though it has had a specific feature in terms of attraction of tourisms. After building in the island, it is tried to not cut down tress trees, ; therefore, all constructions were carried out in empty places. Most accommodations are built nearby tress. BesidesFurthermore, a restaurant and reception are made in the approximately central island. The reception connected to the sea in two directions, the first go to a pier to use some boats and the latter is connected to the beach. To sum up, all constructions carried out along the island from the beach in was around 120 meters. Doing so indicates that these locations have more attraction than other places. TA: 6 CC: 6 LR: 6 GRA: 6 >>> Overall: 6 Some important features of the maps are not covered in your report. Also, the beginning of your body paragraph contains some information which is not so remarkable. Refer to the sample writing at the end of the book. Corrected and Commented by: Hamed Mohammad Hosseini
Comment [Afarinesh5]: Occur is usually used in connection with unplanned events: 'Many of the serious accidents that occur are caused by human error.' 'Tornadoes occur when a warm weather front meets a body of very cold air.' For planned events, use take place: 'The wedding will take place at St Andrew's church. Comment [Afarinesh6]: Better to use Present Perfect for all your sentences.